We’ve all heard of that cousin that didn’t talk until he was three. Or know of a mom who lost months of sleep worrying about her late talker. We’ve witnessed how a toddler can go from one-word sentences to oh-my-god-he-won’t-stop-talking overnight. But what about the mom who listened to these stories, but things just aren’t working themselves out? What about the mother who filled out her toddler’s ASQ and received a birth-to-three referral in return? This is the phase I’m in, and it’s thick. It’s heavy, it’s guilty, it’s kind of embarrassing and yet still lucky because, hey, they’re healthy!
Still, it doesn’t stop me from falling back while my throat drops into my stomach every. single. time. I end up in the grocery aisle and my bouncy-curled blonde toddler smiles up at someone who cheerfully replies, “Oh! What’s your name?”
Enter me, looking like the overprotective helicopter that I am, to step in and answer the harmless and friendly question. Only once this nice stranger gives a confused look do you offer any further explanation- but then what can you say? It usually is a quick, “Sorry! He’s not talking yet!” followed by a fast smile. Then we hurry along in order to avoid further confused looks, because of course your non-verbal two-year-old is stretching into his 4T clothing looking like he’ll turn 5 tomorrow. This innocent question shouldn’t hang up a mother, but it does. It could just be the go-to icebreaker for toddler conversation, but when your toddler can’t say their own name, it becomes so much more.
The good news? Regardless of whatever circumstance hangs us up, we have help. Yes, it’s humbling to accept help or even admit that you or your child may need it, but…it helps. Dane County offers their Birth-to-Three program for all children under three who qualify with any variety of delays. Their workers come to your home to meet with you and your toddlers. They do activities like speech therapy where you can make a goal, (such as saying your name to nice strangers at the grocery store) and you can achieve it!
If you suspect your toddler could use help, please be encouraged instead of embarrassed. Sometimes you just have a late talker, but sometimes it’s not that simple. Sometimes you need to work really, really hard just to answer, “Oh, what’s your name?” And sometimes you need help, but we are lucky enough to have that help available to us, just a phone call away. Plus, we have additional resources for any parent to use, whether they have concerns or just want to get a jump start on early learning. Please be encouraged, and please utilize all of our amazing resources including the Waisman Center and Play N Learn. I also have some at-home speech activities and ideas can also be found on my blog at www.homemadehometown.com.
With all of these helping hands found in our community, don’t tremble when someone sparks a conversation with your non-verbal toddler. Don’t worry if your toddler can’t color shapes and lines quite like their friend. I am now deciding on our next steps with speech therapy, and it is difficult, but the available options are endless. Take comfort in knowing that we have these resources, and each child is different. We are all in this together, whether we’re working on the ABC’s or just the sound for “A”.
Hugs, Kyla. I’ve been there. <3 It's so hard, especially with your first. I had many, many stranger-asking-him-a-question moments. The good news is that he WILL talk, 100% positive – and he is!! I've heard him in class! 🙂 But you are so right too that, bottom line, you have a healthy little boy. <3
Thanks for the post! So many people don’t realize that there is help available!
One addition, your local school district offers services for those who qualify after age 3 (often transitoning from birth to three). Parents can call their local school to find out about the “child find” program. (Go here for MMSD https://specialed.madison.k12.wi.us/early-childhood-request-assistance-child-find)
I’ve been in this situation. My son had maybe 5 words at the age of three. He was born extremely premature and was in Birth to 3 since he came home from the NICU. We had a great ST (Hi Lauren!) and found amazing help from the Preschool Express program at the UW Speech & Hearing Clinic. He’s currently in the Early Learners program through the MMSD and we are very happy with it. He still has a language delay and continues to make progress. We are so fortunate to have these wonderful resources in Madison!
I so appreciate this post. My son is 16 months and not saying any words at all. The doctor recommended we have a speech evaluation and so we are going next week. My mama heart is worried as he is my first and this is unchartered water. We’ve had chronic ear infections but did not qualify for tubes and he passed his hearing test. At the same time, he fully comprehends everything I say and even signs. At the end of the day though, there are so many with children who are terminally ill so I try to remind myself that this is just a season.
I could have written this. I’m currently raising a sweet almost three year old who is mostly non-verbal. He can’t say his name, and I dread when strangers ask. He too, is in 4T clothes. Friends, neighbors, and family have all started to question his developmental lag. We are currently being helped by Birth-to-Three, and are aging out. I’m filling out questionnaires, and we will soon be evaluated at the Weisman center. This article made me cry, to know I’m not alone. Mamas, I love him so much, and it is so-so-so hard to see him behind. I’ll be patient, and love him no matter what, but here’s to hoping we can get him to say his name some day soon.
My son is 3 1/2 and can’t say his name. It’s gut wrenching! It angers me to hang out with other kids his age and see them speaking so clearly and fluently
My son had a ton of ear infections and only started making any noise (babbling) after getting tubes at 11 mos. (like, he started the minute he woke up from his nap after surgery). We also used birth to 3 for speech since he was behind and he’s doing great now at 21 months.