A Bad Moment Doesn’t Make You a Bad Mom

Moments.

As mothers, our days are filled with moments.

Good moments. Exhausting moments. Never-ending moments. Unforgettable moments. Boring moments. Frustrating moments. Heart-warming moments. Challenging moments. Sweet moments. Rushed moments. Life-changing moments. Hard moments.

And the thing about all of these “moments,” is that they are just that – fleeting little snapshots of time.

Here is an example. My three boys were having breakfast the other morning and we were running late for school (as usual). I was running around trying to clean up when my son accidentally spilled his entire bowl of cereal on the floor. A huge puddle of milk sat on the floor and was dripping from what seemed like every part of the table and my son. Now we have all heard the saying “don’t cry over spilled milk”, right? Well I sometimes do. I try not to, but it just happens. In this particular situation, I lost it. I yelled at my son and scolded him to be more careful with what he was doing. It set a negative tone for the rest of the morning. And the more I replayed the situation in my mind I cringed. Really? I was that upset about a spilled bowl of cereal? The usual feelings of guilt consumed me.

Let’s just call it like it is. This parenting thing is hard. But after five years in “the field” I have some good and bad news to share. Let’s start with the bad news. Are you ready for it? You may even already know it depending on how long you too have been in “the field.” You WILL make mistakes. It will happen, I can promise you that. You will lose your patience. You will respond in ways you didn’t want to. You may even lose your mind once or twice. No matter what you do, it will happen. You will have a bad moment (or ten). You will feel like a failure, you will feel guilty, and you may even feel like you are the worst mother in the world.

So, let’s turn to the good news. These “moments” will happen. They are inevitable. But you know what? They provide excellent opportunities for teaching our children. Teaching our children how to respond when we are sad, angry, frustrated, or just plain mad. How I respond to the moment, what I say following the moment, what I discuss with my children after the moment – THESE are the moments that they will ultimately learn from and remember growing up, not the actual moment itself. They model our behavior. We’ve all heard it time and time again: actions speak louder than words. So how can I expect my children to learn  to apologize when they make a mistake or respond inappropriately if I’m not doing the same thing?

This paradigm shift of my mindset has greatly helped me moving forward. I have found myself much more quick to ask for forgiveness from my children if the situation warrants it. Or to discuss how I felt and why. I find myself requesting “do-overs” rather frequently, but you know what? My five-year-old is starting to do the same as well. If he has a bad reaction or gets upset with his brother I can now gently ask him if he needs a “do-over” of the moment and he will often times say he does. Then we can problem-solve through it together and discuss what happened.

So what’s the bottom line? Moments WILL happen to each of us. Ones we will love and cherish forever and others we  would rather forget about. But we can embrace the unexpected blessing that comes from these moments and use them as great opportunities to connect with and coach our children on the realities of life. After all, we are equipping them for their future friendships, their future marriages, their future places of employment and handling these stressors and realities of life are good life lessons. And remember, these bad moments don’t make you a bad mom. I can promise you that we all have them.

*Disclaimer: Parenting can be stressful and challenging. If you are ever feeling out of control and unable to handle a situation, please call the Parent Stress Line. http://www.canopycenter.org/p/parent-stressline.html