We recently bought some furniture. We were excited to bring it home, set it up, move things around, and then we suddenly stopped. Our eldest wasn’t home that evening- she was at a sleepover. For most families this would be a perfect time to rearrange- one kid out of the house, less people to get in the way, etc. For us, however, we knew better.
See, our daughter is a kid who does not like change. She lovingly grows attached to everything. And when I say everything I am not kidding. Not only does she become attached to everything, she can remember the exact moment when she found/received/purchased said things. Going though things for an upcoming rummage sale goes a little like this: How about this one? (As I hold up one out of thousands of stuffed animals) That one? –She says. That’s the one that we got at the carnival with my cousin when I played that balloon game. Any time we talk about getting rid of things, she either wants to put it somewhere else or give it to someone she knows so that she can still see it or enjoy it.
I can joke about it, but in all seriousness, we really have to take her emotions into account when we make major changes. Though nobody has ever said it to our faces, I am sure there are some other adults who think that we are catering to our kids too much, or think that she should just “deal with it” but when you have a child who has some anxiety and really strong emotions, it is better to work with her than against her. We have learned as parents to talk about changes with her before they happen. We process what will happen, and what to do if something doesn’t go the way we think it will. When we are in situations where we find out that things will be different, we choose to take the time to talk with her. This can be everything from a sudden change in a school lunch menu, to purchasing a different bed for her. When she is given time to process it, think about it, and allow her emotions to rise, but then also even out, she is in better control of how she will react.
I know that we cannot keep our life static- things inevitably change over time. The more that we can prepare her for how to deal with these changes, the stronger she will be as she gets older.
And in case you were wondering… we kept the furniture in our dining room for the evening, and then”sold” her on the idea on the way home from the sleepover. That morning we set up the living room together, and she settled in nicely. Until she went to plug in her iPad and the charger was moved… 🙂
