Raising Happy People In Today’s World

Raising Happy People.

How do you raise your children to become happy adults?

With the most recent news of successful people ending their own lives, I’m beginning to wonder if my parenting tactics of what I believed in raising happy children into adulthood are incorrect?

What IS the American dream? Is happiness having endless amounts of money? Maybe not? Kate Spade, Heather Locklear, Pam Anderson’s son to name a (very) few did not find it? Is happiness keeping up the with Jones’? Is it happily married parents? A cookie cutter home with siblings a dog and yearly family vacations? Is it having and receiving everything you want or a feeling of entitlement? Or is it the opposite? Is happiness taken for granted and it’s the kids who lived a not-so-wonderful childhood that have finally found freedom and success in adulthood that has made them happy adults.

I feel that it’s not the material things that make a child happy. My children play longer with a cardboard box and a roll of tape then they do any toy, but seriously what is it?

Does it come down to the fact that as children, we do not know how to judge or compete with one another and as we grow older we learn to compete for the best grade, the best sports position, etc., forgetting that instead of learning from others we start to compare our differences to others, and this makes us unhappy as children and eventually into adulthood? I try to instill this in my children before they’re out in the real world on their own, that we as humans are all different in many “different” wonderful ways, wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same? But after millions of years, we can’t accept our differences.

My wish in raising happy “people” is this. The simplicity of knowing that you are loved beyond measure and cared for, that your needs always come first. A quiet and clean home, a warm bed, a family that loves each other, someone to listen,  financial comfort that includes a roof over your head,  a refrigerator full of fresh nutritious food,  someone to console you when you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, constant laughter, (never) too many “ I love yous”, a loving push of guidance to earn what you are trying to accomplish, the feeling of satisfaction from reaching your goals when you thought you would fail — someone waiting for you when you get home after a long day.

But, this isn’t it. That would be too easy right?

I took a solo library trip (which it’s been ages solo) and checked out several of today’s top parenting books and read them all in one week, staying awake endless hours reading about parenting today’s child. If you’re like me, some days it’s a struggle with two energetic children and my patience is cut thin, the to-do list seems endless, and I am just trying to survive the day while keeping everyone happy, healthy, fed, and alive. This pile of books reminded me of what I already know but forget to tell my children in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It’s too easy to forget these simple tactics and keeping those little minds at ease, knowing that even though Mom may be stressed out, that they are still loved and the most important.

I have compiled a list of what I read and feel is important, saving you time during the midst of parenthood because I know that if you are reading this you are like me and want the best for your children.

I read again and again that in order to raise a happy child, you must be happy with yourself.

True happiness personally is something that I have had to work hard on with myself. I, like many others, have had hurt in my life but overall consider myself to be a “happy adult.” In my adult life I have had to retrain myself the knowledge of positive thinking and continue to practice this on a daily basis. Our children watch everything we do, even our actions. The other day I was sitting and looking out the window deep in thought about something that was bothering me and my daughter asked me “Mommy, are you sad?” I then realized that she even watches my facial expressions.

– Ask your children about their day everyday, show interest and ask questions. At night when tucking them in to bed ask them what their favorite part of their day was? These always make me chuckle and sometimes they’re so cute I have to document them.

-Be their confidence – This will build and shape them for the future. Tell your children constantly how beautiful they are, how happy that they make you, that you love that you get to be their parent.

-Teach them to build relationships- I try my hardest to have my children respect each other. They are each other’s first and lifelong friend and they will learn the same values when creating relationships outside of the home.

-Create happy habits and teach your children about emotions and feelings, we are not born with this, it is a skill. Teach them how to handle anger when they are mad, that it is ok to cry when they’re sad, relate to them and let them know that feelings are normal.

-Teach them self discipline, research shows that children that who have self discipline do better in school and in life.

-Make them feel rooted, That they are missed when they’re gone. This gives them a foundation of security. Children need unconditional love and benefit when they have close ties to their family, feel part of the home, their school, let them help care for the family pets also.

I know these sweet years of raising my young children are the best years of our lives, I want to make the most of theirs and mine. I know happy people that had less than ideal childhoods and are the happiest people I know (so it seems), and I know people that have had the most wonderful fulfilled childhoods that most children would only dream of that are very unhappy adults. I most likely will never find the answer of perfect parenting in raising happy adults, but I am going to love with all I know how, educate to the best of my knowledge, provide everything I can, listen and laugh, and say too many “I love you’s.”

All of my hopes and prayers are to raise decent and kind hearted human beings. I hope that these simple reminders can also help you to sort out your insecurities and guilt of parenthood when the daily news just seems so tragic.

The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes. – Harold B. Lee