And Why it’s Essential
Growing up I had a hard time making friends. I didn’t seem to have too many close girlfriends that stuck around. It was hard for me to relate to other kids because I never felt like I fit in. Therefore, partially through my adolescence I became a people-pleaser.
People pleasing started off like the answer to my prayers. I seemed to fit in with everyone, I was liked, I wasn’t made fun of anymore, and I got through the day at school. When I entered college though, I began getting sick of it. I went from a people-pleaser to a straight up doormat. People took advantage of my kindness and by the time I was in my early 20’s I was bitter, jaded, and over it.
It took me several years to figure out that all these years, nearly my entire life, I was scared to be myself. I was scared to be myself because I didn’t fit in when I was younger. I wasn’t encouraged to be unique. I was expected to sit there, like a good little girl, get good grades, work hard, say yes, and keep quiet otherwise. I wasn’t encouraged to speak my mind. I wasn’t supported when I did.
Years later when I finally, and I mean like just recently, realized that it’s OK to be myself, I had to start peeling back the layers I had covered up in order to hide my true essence. What I realized is that no matter who you are, not everyone is going to like you, and that is totally OK!
Here’s why:
Every single person is unique.
Every person was created in a different way. No two people are the exact same, so how in the world can we expect every single person to like us? Wouldn’t that be boring if we all had the same interests, thoughts, feelings, tastes, etc? There would be no diversity in the world and no adventure. The fact that not everyone is going to like you should not stop you from being who you truly are. It should not stop you from dreaming your dreams, sharing your insight, or expressing your unique style.
Living inauthentically will drive you mad, literally.
There’s nothing worse than living against the truth of who you really are. Your mind, soul, and body knows it when you are fighting against your true self. Stop fighting!! What I have come to realize over the years, is when I am most unhappy, when things aren’t going right, or when I don’t feel my best, it’s all stemmed back to when I wasn’t living my truth. I was either trying to please other people, hiding my true self, or keeping quiet to not stir up anything. We are intelligent beings. Our subconscious knows exactly when we aren’t being authentic and it often manifests in several areas of our lives because of it.
Use the opportunity.
When there are people who are expressing that they don’t like you, or don’t agree with something you’re doing, or whatever it may be, use that as an opportunity to shift who you have in your life. Sometimes it’s really easy to see who truly belongs in your life and who truly doesn’t. Other times, you have to be a detective, but all in all, it’s time to cut the ties with those that aren’t supporting you. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, no one else should have an opinion on how you live your life, nor should you let them tell you how to live your life.
If people have an issue with you, and you’re being true to who you are, then this means they aren’t meant to be in your life! Perhaps they served their purpose and now the time has expired and you can kindly cut them out of your life. How you do that is up to you, but if you stop making plans with them or kindly decline invitations from them, eventually the friendship will shift and phase out. You definitely know it’s time to walk away if you’re always the one reaching out or making plans. Take the opportunity to choose who you want to surround yourself with. This leads me to my next point…
Surround yourself with good people.
It makes a world of a difference when you surround yourself with encouraging, supportive, and wonderful people. One of the best ways to spend your time with others is by being yourself, so if you can’t be yourself around your closest friends, you need to find new friends. Surround yourself with women who uplift you, inspire you, encourage and empower you, and by no means, compete with you. I have had countless conversations with other women about how important and freeing it is to find a group of friends that support and cheer you on, rather than compete against you. We all crave to be accepted, but first, you must accept yourself the way you are. Then you will find the group that truly embraces you for you and all of your uniqueness without trying to change you.
When you realize this, your life truly opens up! Now get out there and start being you, because that is who you were meant to be!
