Dear Stay-at-Home Mom,
Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.
Like, when I picture your mornings, minus the chaos of hustling kids out the door to daycare. I picture breakfasts eaten without staring at the clock, maybe a morning kids’ show, everyone still in PJs. I see you taking the kids to the zoo or the park or the lake mid-morning, snapping selfies with them and texting your husband the funny thing your oldest said. I see you throwing a load of laundry in the dryer when you get home (or whenever you WANT!), playing goofy games with the kids over lunch, eating food you didn’t have to pack at 11 PM the night before.
When the youngest goes down for a nap, I see you getting things done around the house, or working on your in-home business, or bonding with your oldest over a craft project. I see you witnessing every milestone and every funny moment, amassing memories that will make you smile years from now. I see you, glowing and healthy from days spent outside, chatting up the other moms at the park or the library or the gym, wearing whatever the heck you want, never going to boring department meetings, never realizing mid-day that you forgot to put deodorant on and can’t do a thing about it…
It all seems so nice, as I sit in my cramped, sunless office, stressing about the project I’m way over my head in and wondering what my kids are doing right now (that I’m missing).
But don’t worry. I know there’s more to it than that.
I know you also deal with meltdowns, and picky eaters, and fighting over toys (over everything), and long, lonely days where you’re way over-touched and you don’t talk to a single person over the age of 4. I know there are rainy days, snowy days, teething days, and inexplicably-crazy-kids days. I know you go to the same park a bazillion times a week, repeat the same phrases to your kids all day, play the same games over and over, and prepare and clean up SO MUCH food.
I know you’re desperate for alone time and adult time, and I know you feel guilty when you take that out on the kids. I know you think about your education and your pre-kids career, and you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. I know you wish you could contribute more financially. I know you worry that you’re pouring so much of yourself into your kids that you might lose sight of who you are.
I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you’re making for your family. It’s easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life—the things I’m personally missing out on—but I know that’s not the full picture.
The truth is, neither of our lives is perfect or easy, but they’re both pretty dang awesome—just in slightly different ways.
I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!
Love,
Working Mom
Dear Working Mom,
Can I be honest? Sometimes, I get jealous of you.
Like, when I picture your mornings, sipping a still-hot latte, alone at your quiet desk. I see you going to important meetings, talking to important people about important things (or at least, talking to adults about adult things). I see you grabbing lunch with your coworkers, gossiping about the office, maybe on an outdoor patio, maybe over some giant salads and still-cold iced teas. I see you giving presentations, in that cute tailored blazer you have, speaking eloquently and confidently to a room of people who respect your ideas.
I see you planning out your days (and having that actually be a useful endeavor), working on projects that interest and challenge you, getting recognized for your hard work from your peers and superiors. I see you traveling for work—sitting on a plane (ALONE!), staying in a nice hotel room, eating dinner on someone else’s dime. I see how proud you are of your career, how good it makes you feel. I see how extra special the time you spend with your kids is—the way you’re eager to pour into them in the evenings and on weekends, the way you treasure every minute…
It all seems so nice, as I sit here eating leftover cold chicken nugget bits off my son’s plate, half-heartedly yelling at the kids to stop tackling each other and preemptively beating myself up for all the TV I know I’m going to let them watch later.
But don’t worry. I know there’s more to it than that.
I know that you still feel guilty sometimes after dropping off your kids, especially when they cling to you and cry. I know you envy the person who gets to spend their days with your children, seeing the funny things they do and hearing the funny things they say. I know you hate being stuck in your office on a beautiful day, wondering what your kids are up to and wishing you could be part of it.
I know it’s hard at the end of the day, when everyone’s tired and hungry and cranky, and you’re desperately cobbling dinner together before the frantic rush of baths and bedtime, and you SO wish it could be different because those are the only precious hours you get together as a family. I know it sucks to have to cram all the housework and errands into the weekends. I know you get lonely when you travel, and all the nice dinners and hotel rooms in the world can’t compete with those little faces at home that you can’t kiss goodnight. I know you miss your kids, and you wonder if you’re doing the right thing.
I guess I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I recognize the sacrifices you’re making for your family. It’s easy for me to focus on the highlights of your life—the things I’m personally missing out on—but I know that’s not the full picture.
The truth is, neither of our lives is perfect or easy, but they’re both pretty dang awesome—just in slightly different ways.
I see you, and I support you. Keep it up, girl!
Love,
Stay-at-Home Mom
Note:
This post was written by a woman who’s been a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, and a work-from-home mom. She’s felt the unique joys and challenges of each, and is here to scream from the rooftops: none of them were easy. None were perfect. And definitely, none came without guilt.
There’s always greener grass somewhere, and always will be. Don’t forget to look down at your feet from time to time–the ground you’re standing on right now is actually pretty awesome.
This is absolutely fantastic. Thank you for writing this! I am quite confident all moms can relate. 🙂
Yes indeed! I am s great grandma so I stayed home with our 5 sons. I am not sure I could have worked and kept up with all the home affairs .my husband did not want me to work, he wanted me home when the boys came home from school. I was. OK with that. I can see the advantage in both ways. The economy makes it hard for mothers to be a stay at home mom.also I hear mothers say they do not want to be a stay at home mom! Each family has to make that decision! I feel neither is right or wrong but what works best for each family!
I don’t know you Eileen. But I love you.
What a precious thing to post. I’ve been the career-mom, stay-at-home mom & back to career-mom….it’s hard! But I have two precious adult children that loved me both ways. I am at the point now where I have to be the LET-GO mom. That’s the hardest of them all. I gave them their arrow and pray they fly straight.
What a great reminder to all moms to be thankful right where they’re at! Great article!
so true thank you for writing it from both sides!
Love it. Thank you. As a mom with a lot of flexibility and choices, I too recognize that there is no easy or perfect way to do it!
So very very true, I have been on both sides and felt the same things. Thank you for this article/note.
Finally, an article that sees both sides fairly! I feel fortunate to be a half-time working mom, so I get to best (& challenges) of both worlds. The “mommy wars” drive me nuts, & you said it perfectly — neither is easy, and the grass isn’t always greener. Thank you!
As a woman who stayed at home, I think the sacrifice I didn’t anticipate was what would happen when I was ready to go back to work. We all doubt our decisions, whatever they are, but the working world also doubts a woman’s decision to stay at home. It took me 3 years of applying to entry-level jobs (with a stellar education behind me) before I could even get an interview. That was ego crippling.
Still, I’m grateful for the time I had with the kids. But I would advise new moms to try to keep one foot in the working world while your littles are growing up, even if it’s a couple hours a week. It will make your transition back to either work or an empty nest much easier.
Peace.
Oh yes… ego crippling
a very well written article, enjoyed it, Enjoy the the grass underfoot, it’s the best for that time and place.
Whooaa… Is this the mythical entity known as a balanced, agendaless piece of internet content? *applause emoji* Love it!
Thank you so much for this article. It actually made me cry. I was a working mom, now SAHM and even though I’m grateful, I struggle with it at times. So thank you for literally seeing it from both side. Much love:)