To the Sleep Deprived Mom

I know what you are thinking. How in the world did no one tell you about this? I mean, of course you expected to get less sleep once you became a parent. You weren’t living under a rock. And enough people warned you to “sleep before the baby comes” and whatnot. So yes, you knew that your days of sleeping in until 10 am on the weekends were coming to an end. But this? You didn’t expect this. Weeks upon weeks, months upon months, and for some, years upon years with less consecutive sleep than you can count on one hand. This you weren’t prepared for.

I’m a sleep deprived veteran going on four and a half years of very little sleep. Sure there have been a couple of “good” phases but with three small children we find that any phase is generally short-lived. Once one starts sleeping through the night, the next gets sick, experiences a sleep regression, starts teething, or gets scared of the dark. So I absolutely know what you are going through. You may have a newborn that is still getting up around the clock. You may have an eight-month-old who still wants to eat every few hours during the night. Each night before bed you pray that tonight will be “the” night. “The” night you have been eagerly awaiting. “The” night when you wake up to a crying child, pry your eyes open to peek at the clock to see what magic numbers appear only to realize that your child actually did it – slept a four/five/ten hour stretch for the first time. But of course that night has yet to arrive.

And here’s the thing on the sleep issue. I was one of those first-time parents that researched everything while I was pregnant. I prepared for motherhood by reading all the books and articles I could. I read about the right stroller/car seat combination, introducing solids, breastfeeding, the list goes on. But the one thing I was completely unprepared for was how to get a baby to sleep! I just assumed you put them down and they slept. Wrong! And I was nowhere near prepared for the fact that a “good” night of sleep would look like “only” waking up at 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. Huh? This can’t be the case? I even remember the first night in the hospital when our son was born. I gave birth around 9 pm and I remember them wheeling him into me around 1 am for the first feeding. I was super confused. Wasn’t it bed time? Shouldn’t the baby be sleeping? I quickly learned about the “every two-hour feeding” thing that occurs with babies and so began the commencement of the “no sleep ever” phase.

You may be at the end of your rope thinking there is absolutely no way you can survive one more sleepless night. You are wondering if you are doing something wrong or why you are the lucky winner of the world’s worst sleeper. You may even be considering hiring a sleep consultant to help you through. And while I am absolutely no sleep expert, I will venture to guess you are doing an awesome job. Like everything else with parenting, there are no clear answers. I have read more books and articles than I can count on this topic and I even hired a sleep consultant with my second son out of pure desperation. There really is no “right” answer. Sure there are little things you can do like try to put them down before they get overtired. Yes you can even let them cry a little to fall asleep. But ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your family. Some swear by the cry-it-out method starting around 6 months old. Other’s just can’t bear to let their child cry under any circumstances. I understand both schools of thought. However, one great resource I found on this topic is the Baby Sleep Site. It has a wealth of free information and even provides the service of sleep consultants if you decide to go down that road. I always like to read up on these topics than adapt to best fit our needs.

My only advice is this – don’t stress too much about it. I know it’s hard to think of this day now but there WILL be a day where this phase will be over. They may be teenagers but it will surely come! I am already plotting my revenge for when they are teenagers trying to sleep in until noon each day.  And I would like to venture a guess that we will all miss these quiet nights snuggling our tiny babies, pacing around the quiet house bouncing methodically to keep them sleeping all the while wondering how in the world we are going to function the next day. I’m sure I will miss it. And you will too. Over the past four years I have learned that you will learn to survive on less sleep than you ever thought possible. It is actually really impressive. To function at your job and caring for your kids on such little sleep is truly a skill! I’ve come to learn this is just another way motherhood stretches us in ways we didn’t know possible, challenging us in ways we are confident we can’t overcome. But we can and will.

Keep on keeping on momma. You are doing an awesome job.

And when all else fail, at least there is coffee.