I stand and hold my baby girl while we wait to see our pediatrician, my baby boy calmly sits and curiously watches as my toddler plays with the toys. In this rare moment I actually feel like I have it all together and things are surprisingly under control. Then a sweet, older woman from across the waiting room (probably a grandmother herself) looks at me and says, “Twins?” I nod to which she replies “Wow, you really have your hands full.” I smile and nod again. She is right… my hands ARE full. But you know what? So is my heart.
Every time I go anywhere in public with all my children, people stop and stare. They feel compelled to say things like “wow, you have your hands full” or “better you than me” (to which I agree because I couldn’t imagine life any other way) or “good luck” or “ohhh… I always wanted twins” or the ultimate… “I don’t know how you do it…” We hear it all. And to be honest, sometimes the extra attention is fun, but other times it’s awkward and sometimes we would prefer to do without. But strangers will say whatever they wish to and I’ve learned to embrace it.
When someone tells me that they don’t know how I do it, I wonder what they mean. I am not doing anything extraordinary except taking care of and loving my children… just like anyone else who has young children. I know that having three kids age 2 and under seems like a lot (and it is), but my life is NOT hard. Hard would be losing a child or battling infertility. Hard would be having a terminally ill child (or parent) or going through a divorce. Hard is losing your job or not being able to provide ample food, shelter and clothing for your children. I overcame the infertility battle and have not been dealt any of these other cards and pray that I never am.
My days aren’t always easy… but my life is far from hard. Right now I am learning to deal with the typical toddler tantrums and meltdowns… like when I gave my 2 year old the wrong colored spoon for her yogurt this morning (the whole bowl of yogurt was tossed to the floor in one giant, sticky mess). Or when I didn’t have the right change for her to ride the carousel at the zoo yesterday (that was major!) I am learning to function with very little sleep… I never knew that I could get by on so little, but I know this is just a season of life. And I am becoming more comfortable with messes in my house while dealing with three kids who are constantly battling for my time and attention. But is any of this hard or is all of this just a piece of the parenting puzzle?
Perhaps the most valuable lesson that I have learned since becoming a mom 2 ½ years ago, is that life is all about perspective. Our perspectives quickly become our realities. It’s pretty amazing how we can train ourselves to mold our own perspectives! Some mornings I wake up to three screaming children who all need me at once and the day ahead seems like more than I can possibly handle, but when I learn to slow down and embrace the gift of parenthood the day suddenly seems much more achievable. Not to say there aren’t times where I feel overwhelmed to the point of tears… but when I think about how hard life could be, I’m quickly reminded about just how lucky I am.
So the next time you see a mom who’s hands are obviously full, instead of saying “better you than me”, why don’t you tell her that her kids are lucky to have her because she is a wonderful mother. Instead of saying “I don’t know how you do it”, you could tell her that she is doing a great job. Instead of saying “good luck”, tell her that she is lucky to have such beautiful children. Telling someone that they have their hands full is okay, but as a person who hears it (a lot), sometimes a quick word of encouragement would move mountains or warm my heart in a way I can’t begin to describe. And when you say something kind to me, I promise to pay it forward.
[hr]
*You may also enjoy: 15 Things You Learn After You Give Birth to Twins
while I have a 22 month old and an 8 month old. I sure feel exhausted! I love it and some days need pick me up articles like this to remind me that it is ok feel the way i do sometimes! Thank you for posting this, and yes! As a mother I agree. That simple encouraging comment can make your day!!!! One lady did that for me at Costco, and I was on cloud nine, and wanted to cry. Thank you!!!
I couldn’t have said it better myself! I’m in the same situation!
I have 2 young children – 3 and 1. I occasionally hear, “Boy! You’ve got your hands full there” or some variant of that. And, I know I’ve also said it to other moms or dads I see in similar situations. Always, I meant it and therefore took it as a statement of empathy with a situation that’s often chaotic and stressful. Even if that exact moment is calm, having multiple young children means ANY moment can immediately turn chaotic and stressful. So, perhaps it’s not the pat on the back that would often feel good – to hear “you’re doing a great job” – I still appreciate someone seeing how much work and effort are necessary for chasing, moving, caring for, and raising little human beings.
A mom of 3 under 2 1/2 age difference (Twins & then a blessing) I heard it all the time “hands full”. Oh yes! And “out numbered” I would say to add a little humor. Now ages 16 & 14, there is never a dull moment. I look back on pictures and wonder how I did it…by the grace of God, lots of prayer, and a supportive husband & family. I will admit, when I hear mom’s complain about a singleton.. I just want to say “girl you got it easy, enjoy it, and stop complaining”. Instead you smile and listen. Great article!