Let me start out by admitting that I have been guilty of ALL of these bad habits at one time or another. I have been a stay-at-home mom for two years now. Some days I feel like a rockstar and that I was made for this job. Other days I know I could be doing a lot better. It is easy to slip into some of these bad habits, especially when first transitioning from a career woman to the sudden abruptness of staying at home with children. If you are considering (or are currently) a parent who has elected to stay at home with your young ones, try to avoid getting into these bad habits.
Giving Up on Cleaning
You would think that the house of a stay-at-home mom (or dad!) would be much cleaner than the house of someone who works outside the home. It’s not. In fact, I find that my home has never been messier. Why? Because when you stay at home, so do your kids.
Why bother cleaning up a room that will be destroyed within seconds when your kids wake up from their naps? When I do take the time to clean and organize a room my daughters are simultaneously creating messes in other areas of the house.
You do your best trying to rotate toys and teaching the importance of cleaning up but with babies and toddlers, the mess does not go away.
Cleaning is no fun but you will feel better if you try to keep at least some type of order.
My new rule with my kids is they have to pick up their toys before going to sleep (both at nap and bedtimes). Their reward is reading – see what I did there! The faster my daughters clean up, the more books we can read together. While they are napping I force myself to clean dishes and do a load of laundry. This way there are multiple times in the day during which my house isn’t a total disaster.
Letting Yourself Go
When I first became a stay-at-home mom I really enjoyed wearing my pajamas well into mid-morning. Coming from a job where I often had to wear nylons and heels I was ready to enjoy the “uniform” of a stay-at-home mom.
The other week I looked up in a public bathroom mirror and frightened myself by the hag staring back at me. When did I get so old and decrepit? Maybe I have taken the stay-at-home mom look a little too far.
With some slight effort, I can look a little better (for myself!). It wouldn’t hurt to swipe on some mascara every couple of days. I could start double-checking for food stains on my clothes before leaving the house. My wardrobe has never been trendy but to buy a pair of jeans that I feel amazing in should be a requirement.
Being presentable should be worth a few extra minutes in the morning. The old adage “If you look good, you will feel good” has some truth to it.
Trying to be the Perfect Mom
There is the expectation (self-inflicted) that since you stay-at-home with your children you have the time to be the perfect parent.
Before choosing this path I thought if I were to stay-at-home my kids’ lunches would always be healthy and tasty. I imagined myself teaching the ABCs in creative and fun ways. I would never yell.
Truthfully, our lunches consist of a lot of Go-Gurts and Goldfish lately. I have certainly yelled a time or two (or more!). Learning isn’t structured and I often rely on screen time to get dinner on the table.
Just because a parent stays-at-home doesn’t mean they are any better than a parent who works outside the home. Sometimes being around your kids more often makes you a worse parent. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Expecting to be a perfect parent is unrealistic.
Not Taking Time For Yourself
As alluded to above, I am a strong believer that taking some time away from your kiddos makes you a better parent. If there is any group of parents who needs some me-time it’s stay-at-home parents.
Think about it, you are in your work environment 24/7. You don’t leave “the office” or get a weekend off. Mom burnout is real. It is essential to schedule a girls’ trip, a massage, or even just take time on a Saturday to go to a coffee shop to read.
Accept help when it is offered, because you mama are working, and time off shouldn’t be a luxury.
Resenting Your Spouse
Know what happens when you don’t take time for yourself – spousal resentment. Stay-at-home parents are notorious for resenting their spouses at times. How can you not? My husband gets 40 minutes a day in the car in which he can listen to music and not have to hand 10 snacks back to grasping hands. He can eat his lunch without having to get up from the table constantly.
At the end of the day why should I have do the dishes again? On the weekend why am I changing any dirty diapers when I’ve changed them all week?
We have to remember that the parenting duties are not going to be “fair” or equal if you are a sahm. By electing to not work outside the home we knew we were going to take on more of the parenting load.
The grass is always greener. Your partner probably resents you staying at home sometimes too. When he/she is driving in a snowstorm and you’re cuddled up at home watching Frozen, I bet there may be a little jealousy about your job.
Staying in Your Comfort Zone
I don’t know about you but when I became a stay-at-home parent none of my close friends at the time were. If I wanted to ever talk to adults during the day I was going to have to put myself out there. How does an adult do that when not in a typical work environment? Do I just walk over to someone and ask them to be my friend?
In the age of social media and less in-person interaction, stay-at-home parents can end up feeling very isolated. Show your kids you can be brave, take the risk and introduce yourself. Maybe you can set up a playdate or start meeting at library storytimes. The worst that could happen is the person says no. I’ve made some great friends by extending myself and making the effort to meet other stay-at-home moms.
Never Having a Plan
Having a routine is so beneficial. Children do best when they know expectations. Eating at random times, napping at different times, not getting dressed, is a recipe for disaster. There can always be exceptions but everyone knows kids thrive with routine.
Part of that routine should be to get out of the house every single day. Whether it is going to a park, the library, grocery shopping, or to Target. You need to leave the house with your kids or you will go crazy. Bonus – your kiddos can’t wreck the house if you aren’t there.
Planning outings gives you something to do, a purpose, and something for the kids to look forward to. Every Sunday I sit down and create my weekly plan. Yes, there might be public meltdowns and tantrums but don’t shy away from it. Your kids can’t learn how to act correctly in public if you are never out in public. The days I’ve never left the house were absolutely some of my hardest.
Although grateful to have the opportunity to stay at home with our children, this job can be difficult. Some moments are hard. Some days can be tough. It never hurts to self-evaluate and look for areas to improve your work performance. Breaking some of the bad habits listed above may result in happier kids and a happier you.
Great post! I needed to read this. I’m in the process of introducing routines to my kids because it’s just so hard to keep up with the million things I need to do everyday. Thanks for this!