Miscarriages can be very personal and emotional – yet are shared by so many women. Not every woman who has lost a baby can share their story or even talk about their loss, but for those who can I believe it is important to do so, so that other women who have experienced a loss can know they aren’t alone in their pain. I have personally lost two babies in early miscarriages.
Both of my miscarriages happened between 7-9 weeks. With my first loss I started bleeding after I had already been to the doctor and had an ultrasound and saw the tiny little heartbeat. I had a natural miscarriage at home a few days later. With my second loss I went in for an ultrasound at 9 weeks and the baby was measuring only 6 weeks with no heartbeat. I knew how it would end. I went back a week later for a follow-up ultrasound to find my baby had not grown and had no heartbeat. I ended up having a D&C a few weeks later after waiting for my body to naturally miscarry.
For me, personally, the details of the events of my losses are just as difficult as the emotions and thoughts that happen after. Especially now that I have three daughters and know what it is like to nurse them, rock them at night, see them smile at me, and for me to get to kiss their soft cheeks. It’s those things that I miss out on with the two babies I lost that causes deep pain inside my heart. The thoughts that I will never be able to hold them, never tell them that I love them and never get to kiss their cheeks. And that they will never know that I was their mommy and that I loved them and wanted them so much. I will always wonder what they would have looked like… if they were a boy or girl. Would they have looked like me or their daddy? Lots of questions with no answers and lots of longings and desires that will never be fulfilled.
I think it’s important to connect with other women who have experienced losses. It’s good to share things with other people who understand; things that might sound a little crazy or absurd to some people. It’s also good to hear and read stories of other women’s losses just to give ourselves a better understanding of   how to love and comfort women who have experienced losses.
 
Thank you for sharing your story Danielle! I think the hardest thing for most moms who experience an early miscarriage is that you have all of these dreams that go with that baby and there is almost always a longing to know more. <3
I have never had a miscarriage but read your post while nursing my daughter – the tears started rolling down my face. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this sad and common experience.