My Child ISN’T Perfect

The other day I picked my 3 year old son up from preschool, holding my breath.

“Well,” I asked, “How did it go today?”

His teacher, very sweet and very diplomatic, says, “It was kind of a tough day today…”

 And my heart sinks.

For the past few months, my son has struggled socially. After breaking his leg last fall, he started “school” in early November after missing the first few months. Whether it was coming into the group late, or a reaction to his baby sister’s arrival or just a part of his developmental path, my son has had more than his share of toddler moments – Hitting, pushing, throwing, even biting (on one really bad day)…he has somehow learned to communicate with his body instead of his words.

My son is 3 and he is a child and he is still learning, and as much as I love every single hair on his head, he is not perfect.

The problem is, when something with one of my kids isn’t exactly perfect, I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Out come all of my insecurities as a parent, and the quest for the “answer” to getting things back on track. Are we too laid back? Too strict? Too demanding? Did we start school too early? Or maybe too late? Then come the Google searches…”3 year old aggression”, “Toddlers hitting”, Super Nanny. Out come all the theories for WHY something isn’t perfect. As a parent, I want to mold my kids into the best possible versions of themselves. Any misstep (natural as they may be) feels like a failure on my part.

In my head, I know my kids will mess up. But in my heart, I want everyone to see the same adorable, silly, sweet, funny and often rambunctious child that I see. Most of the time, I feel like I am learning this parenting thing as I go along. And some days, my son hits someone on the playground. There are a million things I’m probably doing wrong. I am NOT a perfect mom. And that kills me.

Oh mamas. If you are struggling to deal with a child that isn’t perfect (and let’s face it, you probably are), you are definitely not alone. There are so many hard moments. Sometimes there are hard days or weeks or months. Maybe your child is struggling with tantrums or sharing or listening. Maybe your child is simply not sleeping through the night or not potty training easily or a picky eater. Whatever “it” is, it’s okay to feel like you are doing something wrong. It’s okay to feel like other parents have it figured out and you don’t. It’s okay to be worried and it’s okay to cry. Being a parent is hard, even on the good days. It’s hard not to feel like your child’s behavior/success/personality/intelligence is a reflection on you as their parent.

My son’s aggression is just a step on our path together, and I know we will work through this. But it’s shown me how difficult it is to balance the intense love for my kids with the fact that they aren’t actually perfect. They are kids. They will mess up. It’s not fair to expect or even hope for them to be perfect.

So on the days you don’t feel “perfect”, on those bad days when you are questioning everything you do and feeling lost, remember that just worrying about whether or not you are a good parent is a step in the right direction. It’s a sign you care and your kids are incredibly lucky to have a parent that cares. Most likely, you are doing great, and most likely, perfect or not, you are EXACTLY the mom your kid needs.