Not too many years ago my house was filled with tiny humans. Ones that I loved dearly but loved even more when they were sleeping. On many a day during that season of my life I remember hanging on by my fingernails for that wonderful, blessed time of day: BED TIME.
This is what I counted on to keep my sanity. I loved them dearly but being a stay at home mom with a husband that frequently traveled was hard when I was knee deep in puke and poop. And so once they were in bed I would count on that time as my own. I would read a book, catch up on some shows and just enjoy the novelty of no one touching me or saying, “Mom!” five thousand million times.
Then without warning, a new season of my life emerged. One minute I was putting all of my kids to bed at a “decent” hour, and the next thing I knew I had a kid in middle school who didn’t need to go to bed quite so early anymore.
At first that was all fine and good. Go ahead and stay up later than the other kids, just don’t bother me. Mom is OFF the clock until morning. I may not be surrounded by toddlers anymore but I still have long days with very little down time. I want, no I DESERVE my down time! But then a second kid and now a third has joined the crew. These kids are like gremlins that roam the house and listen to their loud music and bother me at the most inopportune times. The ones that rifle through the fridge after I thought I had closed the kitchen for the night and leave a mess of crumbs on the counter. These children want me to sign things, look at some YouTube video that I don’t understand or help them find more food – again.
This is not conducive to my winding down routine.
Meanwhile, as their bedtime became later, I noticed a shift in their attitude earlier in the day. Gone were the days in which we would hang out in the kitchen and talk about their day after school or at the dinner table (when I wanted to talk). Now when they first come home from school or practice they have absolutely no interest in talking to me. Any attempt at conversation are met by scowls, one word answers and general surliness for the most benign questions.
They haven’t turned into different people (although they seem to be a different breed). They are still a lot like their younger selves. They want me to talk about their day (sometimes), they want me to love and support them (always) and want to know that I am there for them.
They just want it on their terms.
I get it. They have had a very long day of school and practice, the last thing they need is to be badgered with questions when they walk in the door. After an hour or two by themselves they emerge ready to engage…about the time I am in my pj’s flopped on the couch.
It has been an adjustment to put it mildly. What used to be a solid evening to myself every night has turned into very little. But I’ve learned to be okay with that because these days I only see them a total of twenty minutes a day (if that). So I’ll take what I can get, even if it means losing some of that “me” time.
The awesome part of having teens is their sense of humor, our common interests and time together when they can spare it. I lost a lot of sleep this summer thanks to one kid in particular and a very long Netflix bender. While I missed the sleep I wouldn’t trade that time with him for the world. Getting a chance to spend time with one of my kids is rare and I know to take advantage of these times when the pesky younger brothers are not around.
Not to say I don’t have my limits. I’m still tired after a long day with the younger set in my home and no matter how much I love my boys, I have a hard time keeping up a conversation past ten at night. So they know that if they have anything to say to me after ten, text me and I will see it in the morning.
Because even though I want my kids to know that I am there for them, they should also know that I need to take care of my own self in my own way. We have an unspoken understanding: I won’t get in your business when you first get home as long as you don’t get in the way of my sleep.
It’s a pretty sweet deal.
