There’s an old saying, “You are only as happy as your least happy child”. I’m sorry to say I learned that the hard way these past few weeks.
Four weeks ago, my family’s life got flipped upside down by a freak accident. My almost-three-year-old son, Jackson, was playing with my husband on our bed, jumping around and being silly. Pretty much exactly the same stuff he does much every day. But on this day, a normal Sunday afternoon, something went wrong. My son landed wrong and twisted his left leg, breaking his femur. I was in another room, listening as they wrestled around and Jackson shrieked with laughter. But then…. I heard my husband yell, “Betsy! Oh no…” and a split second later, the screaming, agonizing cry of my little boy. That is a moment I hope I never relive the rest of my life.
Without knowing any details yet, I knew it was bad by the way my husband yelled for me. When I ran into the room, Jackson was hysterical, crying and shaking and unable to talk. We woke up our three-month-old daughter, put everyone in the car, and raced off to Urgent Care. On the way, my husband told me, “I heard something pop”, and I knew something really bad had happened. The next 24 hours were literally the worst moments I’ve had as a parent – from the x-rays to the operation to repair his leg to seeing my son in pain – I wouldn’t wish those things on anyone. After my son came out of the operating room around midnight, I saw him for the first time in what we called his “magic pants” – a hip spica cast that extended from his chest down to his ankle on one leg, and down to his knee on the other. This type of cast is used to prevent the hips and legs from moving – meaning, for the next 5+ weeks, my son would be unable to walk or even sit in a chair. He was basically in a vertical, claustrophobic looking fiberglass suit. Even when the doctor had explained what a “spica cast” was, there was no way I could be prepared to see my son in what looked like a full body cast. And there was certainly no way to prepare for the emotional toll it would take on all of us.
It was devastating. My son, normally one of the most active, athletic kids I know, was basically immobile for at least 5 weeks. And at 2 years old, he didn’t really understand what had happened or why he couldn’t move freely anymore. That first night was a nightmare. He woke up regularly screaming for me to help, to take his “pants” off, that his leg was “stuck”. He was still in pain, and due to the very strong pain medicine he was given, he was extremely sleepy, grumpy and miserable. And so was I.
I’m not proud to admit it, but I basically had a meltdown. Seeing my son in pain, feeling so helpless to make him feel better, and feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of caring for him in his cast, while also tending to a newborn at home, literally broke me. I cried more in that first week than I probably have in the first 2 and a half years of his life. Every time we’d go for a walk outside and he’d ask to go to the park, or play basketball, I cried. When we would hit a bump on the sidewalk and he’d yell out in pain, I cried. When I woke in the morning to his screaming, I cried. Those first few days I found it damn near impossible to look at the bright side. But I am my mother’s daughter, and now, 4 weeks into this experience, I feel like I can look back and realize there were some blessings along the way. Here are a few of the “bright sides” I’ve found…
The kindness of friends, neighbors and strangers…
From the moment word got around that my son had broken his leg, people began to reach out to us. This meant so much to our family, and greatly lifted our spirits. Friends brought by some of Jackson’s favorite things (Candles! Balloons!) and meals for our family. Others sent care packages of toys that would be easy for him to play with while lying on the couch. And a wonderful woman at Ivy Rose Spica Chairs made him an airplane chair. (See my review Here). We received cards with stickers inside, text messages of encouragement, video messages to make Jackson smile and visits from friends and family. I hate the reason behind all this kindness, but I love that people were so caring and thoughtful. This was one of those times that we truly needed a village to help us…and they did!
Slowing down…
I’m not one to sit around the house normally. I plan our lives pretty full and this fall was no exception. We had swim classes, playgroups and preschool lined up for Jackson. I had plans to take Chemistry, exclusively pump for my newborn daughter and complete observation hours for my degree. Let’s just say….everything changed that day. I literally quit breastfeeding and pumping the day Jackson broke his leg. It’s something I feel tremendously guilty about, but I just could not do it. Preschool got pushed back until at least November, and swim lessons and playgroups were cancelled. We have spent so much time at home these last few weeks that I can hardly remember what it’s like to leave the house, or what my normal life is like. It’s been a change, but it hasn’t been the terrible nightmare I was expecting. We have gotten creative – playing balloon baseball with a pool noodle, and knocking over paper cups with plastic balls. We’ve had (very gentle!) tickle fights. We’ve made up silly jokes and read tons of library books. And yes, we watch a LOT of movies and Daniel Tiger.
Here are some good activities to stay busy:
Skoolzy Rainbow Counting Bears with Matching Sorting Cups
Melissa & Doug: Lace & Trace Activity Set
Melissa & Doug: Scissors Skills Activity Pad
Quality Time…
We are normally very busy, so when I’m home with the kids, a lot of the time is spent getting stuff done around the house. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. I have felt for awhile, long before Jackson broke his leg, that I needed to try to make more quality time for us. Time where I actually sit down on the floor and build Lego towers, or let Jackson make me pretend lunches with his play food. I do these things when I can, but it never feels like I do it enough. This experience has forced me to slow down and connect with Jackson. He needs a lot of attention – basically every second he is awake – and I am giving it to him. There are a lot of days I don’t shower or put makeup on. There is usually a stack of dirty dishes in the sink. We are eating more junk food than normal – takeout or fast food. But I’m finding that sometimes it’s ok to cut corners on those things when it means I am able to give my kids a little extra time or attention. Despite the limitations of Jackson’s cast, we have found lots of ways to have fun together, and plenty of time to enjoy new things.
Empowerment…
Four weeks ago I sobbed to my mom saying, “I can’t do this. I can’t.” At that point, Jackson was hysterical pretty much every waking moment, and it was mentally and emotionally draining. On top of that, we were learning to care for his cast – making sure it didn’t get wet or dirty – and trying to manage his pain with 3 different medications. All of this on top of still adjusting to having a newborn, and I just felt like it was going to be an impossible task. Somehow, with the help of my friends and family, we have made it this far. We have become accustomed to using three diapers tucked into his cast to prevent his cast from getting wet. We have adjusted to carrying him around the house. We have found ways to take walks (he fits in our double Bob!) and even a way to enjoy the playground (handicapped swings!). Despite feeling like I wasn’t “mom enough” to handle this crisis, I did. Most days feel like years, and many still have tears. But I’m doing it and that’s pretty empowering.
As I near the end of this season in my life, I am so grateful that it wasn’t anything worse. Jackson’s leg will heal, and so will our hearts. It was scary, and traumatic, and I wish it hadn’t happened. But since it did, I am choosing to believe it happened for a reason and that maybe there were lessons to be learned along the way. We have all had to adapt to this “temporary normal” and there are things we will carry with us even after the cast comes off.
If you have any questions about Spica Casts or survival tips for kids with Spica Casts, please let me know.
Here’s wishing everyone a SAFE and wonderful fall!
Thank you so much for writing this. We are on day two of the SPICA cast. My 15 month old son who just learned to walk about four weeks ago slipped on our kitchen floor in a super awkward way, fell and broke his femur. I have a very active 3 1/2 year old and am finding this overwhelmingly difficult. The whole thing. I had to take my baby to the childrens hospital in oakland, a 1.5 hour drive for us, and go through an entire day there by myself with my little man in agony. The casting under anesthesia..the every time i’d go over a bump he’d cry..it’s all horrible. I feel like the cast they gave him is so much wider at the top than any of the other casts I have seen. There is like 5 inches between his chest and the cast. This makes it even more difficult to hold or re-position. I wondered if anyone else experienced this?
Hi Jamie, I know how u are feeling right now. My 2 year old girl had the same problem super active and boom all of a sudden without movement. I know its hard but keep a positive mindset with your child. Believe it or not make them feel cool, I use to tell her she was a suprise egg. And soon we will be breaking. I use to have her cousins come by and tell her that her spica was super cool. We always went out to the mall at least every 2 days. Distraction is what the need.
I hope this helps.
Oh my, I can’t imagine having to make that trip with the spica cast. Ouch! Poor little guy, and poor mama. 🙁 It’s so hard to see your child in pain. Hang in there – the first week or so is definitely the roughest part, but hopefully it will be easier after that.
My son did have a large gap in his cast – I think that’s normal so it doesn’t rub against their skin? I’m sure you could call and ask.
I hate to see all these stories but thank you for sharing them. The advice is good.
My EXTREMELY active 2.5 year old daughter climbed her dresser and fell, breaking her femur on christmas day. We spent the rest of the day and overnight in the hospital. They put the spica cast on her this morning and i was finally able to hold her again around lunchtime and i lost it, crying, so happy to hold her.
As lovely as that was, she is so textbook-toddler and not very pleasant if she doesn’t have her way. I can already see that she’s trying to get down to walk. This kid NEVER sits still so this is all weird.
The diaper advice is good. If anyone else has suggestions on diapers and keeping her clean, please share. My husband and i are going out tonight to pick up stuff for her. We don’t really know a lot of people so I’m hoping to get through it ok and i don’t have family around and i have already shed a good amount of tears.
[email protected]
Thanks!
Hang in there sounds like we are in the same boat. We are 1 week down and it has been so HARD! but as for diapers we are doubling up and we actually lined the sides with pads to help absorb in case anything gets out. How is your daughter doing?
Thank you for this post! We are in our 1st week of 5, my 18month old daughter broke her femur and it has been the hardest week of my life. On top of this, she and my 4 year old both have the flu, and ear infection, a day after leaving the hospital. So it has been very challenging and I have said a million times I can’t do this. But your post has helped and has made me realize there is some silver lining in all of this. I am counting down the next 4 weeks!!! Thanks again.
Hi Ericka,
I’m so sorry that your family is going through this – a broken leg AND sickness? I can’t even imagine. Hang in there and let me know if you have any questions. I hope the next month flies by for you!
Hey everyone! Betsy, thank you so much for this blog. It helped me immensely. Hey everyone we are on week 2 of spica cast. Spiral break in femur. I have a little boy who just turned two. And a four-year-old. The 2 year old is in the cast. I would highly recommend the ivy rose spica chair. It is amazing. He loves it and asks to sit in it.
Hi Amy! So sorry to hear about your little guy. Hang in there – you are through the worst part already!
Hi Betsy! I’m pretty much in the same boat as you were. 2 year old with a broken femur (we’re 3 1/2 weeks in) and a 2 month old. Tonight was by far the worst. He started this journey in a two leg full cast and they cut the uninjured side down to just above the knee. I thought it would be amazing but now I’m wishing we hadn’t. He is so active and so spirited and just wants to walk. He woke up twice each night since they cut it down and he had two thrilling fits today. One was a meltdown about eating dinner which turned into pretty much fighting me and screaming I wanna be better and the other was right before bed in pure pain and agony (most likely because he’s trying to stand on both feet. I catch him when I can but he’s quick). It was so heartbreaking. My biggest struggle is how to handle his emotions. He seems so broken. Your son is a lot older now. How was his recovery since then? How did effect him?
Again we are in the same boat, I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old at was a simple fall that broke her femur. My husband and I are truly exhausted. Our daughter wakes up almost every hour and when it isn’t the 2.5 year old it is the baby :)! Night time and diapering have been the worst.
My question is, we had pretty much mastered potty training do you think we will have set back?
For our cast we found that the pottery barn anywhere chair and a low coffee table did the trick for us. The Pottery Barn chair was still a little pricey but we could use it later as well (if we can get the smell out!!)
Also we covered her cast in bright green duct tape, helped some.
Thank you for sharing your story and the emotions that you had with this cast it is really hard to tell her she can not go out and play. Depression can be a real thing for toddlers.
Hey Betsy,
First of all, thank you for your post. It is encouraging as we are going into the end of the first full day, second night with my 18 month old daughter.
I am super stressed about the cast because it is already wet. I’m trying anything I can do from using maxi pads and doubling up on them with a diaper over to keep the cast dry. But no matter what she leaks with every little bit of urination. How on earth were you able to get a diaper, let alone 3 into the cast opening?! I am so fearful that they will want to replace the cast thus meaning putting her to sleep again to get it on… ????
Also, how did transportation work for y’all? My daughter’s ortho said to lay her in our car and buckle in between the bar on the cast but that could be deadly. And getting an ambulance/stretcher service each time is not only stressful but expensive! Thank you in advance again! Hope all is well with your family!
My son is almost done with his hip spica cast due to a femur fracture from May 6. He hopefully is getting it off June 14th! His cast had leaks and got urine and sweat on it unfortunately. It is kind of unavoidable. He is a stinky little guy but its survived.
The hospital gave us a carseat to use so we were able to transport that way. We didn’t have a bar between the cast though.
It gets better. You will get used to it. Its almost normal that he is casted now. Its going to be weird when he gets it off. But I can’t wait!
Hi Betsy,
My 2 and 1/2 year old nephew just got out of his cast a few days ago, after breaking his femur, and although the doctors say everything is fine, he won’t really walk on the leg, he’s not his usual active self and he is weepy all the time. He was an extremely active, lively, bubbly kid before the accident and he’s just not himself anymore. The doctors say to just give him time, but it’s so sad to witness. Do you have any tips on how we can help him get through this next stage of recovery?
My daughter broke her femur playing soccer on April 29th. she was NOT put in a Spica cast. our orthopaedic surgeon did something called a J splint. its a newer method of fixing a fmur fracture in young children without a spica cast (mainly so that a toddler doesnt need to go under anastesia). she got her splint off on June 8th and she is still not walking. she is scooting all over and bending her leg perfectly. we are almost 3 weeks out and she wont walk. its so upsetting to me because i KNOW she can do it. she wont even stand on it yet. she is just so scared. Any advice?
Can I ask how he is now? My 3 year old just started with his cast and I’m super worried that he is going to be so nurvous to walk when it’s off?
Hi I can see this is an old post but was hoping you might still reply.
My 3 year old is in a spica cast and has been for 5 weeks now we have 2 weeks left whoop whoop!! Today he started to try and put pressure on the broken leg trying to pull himself up against our bed, is this ok or should I stop him?
Hi Chele,
So sorry to hear about your son. 🙁 I think it’s probably fine to put pressure on it by this point but I would definitely check with his doctor to be sure. If he is interested in army crawling, that may be another option. I hope the next couple weeks fly by for you!
My 3 1/2 year old has been in his cast for 3 days and he is still complaining of a lot of pain when we move him. How long are they in pain? Also he is super ichy around the diaper and belly. What can I do for him?