Becoming a mom has no doubt changed me as a person. I think every mom would agree that life after having kids is completely different, or at least majority of us would say that. Not in a bad way, just different.
We were recently over at our neighbor’s house who we are just getting to know. Our neighbor asked me, “What do you do for fun?” and it completely caught me off guard. Not because I don’t do anything fun, but because what brings me joy has changed since having kids. The first thought that went through my head was, “What do I do alone for fun that isn’t boring?” I wanted to sound interesting and exciting, but to be honest, moments alone are few and far between these days, unless I get up before everyone else wakes up, and with a newborn in the house that’s nearly impossible at this point. So when he asked me this question, I realized that I didn’t know how to answer this anymore.
So what did I say?
I said, with a laugh, “I workout. Yes, I enjoy working out. I meditate.”
To be fair, I also write, read, and stream shows when there is a show worthy of watching. That is what is fun for me, now, as a mom who rarely gets any alone time. I just want to be by myself so I can hear my own thoughts and the whispers of my soul.
After leaving their house I began to wonder why I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t answer the question without thinking about it. I couldn’t shake the thought. What I realized was that my idea of fun, my definition of fun has changed, tremendously, and that is completely OK. If you had asked me in my early 20’s, I would have said, I go shopping, hang out with my friends, go to the beach (I lived in California), drink, go out to bars, etc. You wouldn’t have heard me say, reading, writing, or meditating. At all. So, what I realized was that while my initial thought was “OMG my life is boring”, I had to take a step back and appreciate how much I have grown.
Rather than focusing on the negative, I chose to reframe my thoughts and congratulate myself for being happy with my life the way it is.
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with what I did in my 20’s for fun, it’s just not where I am anymore. It served me at the time. I had a lot of fun in my 20’s, but that just doesn’t serve me anymore. It doesn’t make me boring. Different things bring me joy now. I don’t enjoy drinking all day and waking up with a hangover the next day (aka Sunday Funday), especially trying to take care of kids on top of it. I don’t enjoy staying up until 2 or 3am partying with my friends. Maybe on occasion, but I really love my sleep now. I love being a mom, and with that comes a lot of time with my family, which I love. Truly.
Of course I love a spa day and a relaxing vacation every now and then, but what lights me up, on a daily basis, is my “everyday” life. My children bring me joy (most of the time), my husband and his company is something I truly enjoy, as he is my best friend. Connecting with girlfriends, whether it be in person or on Facetime, brings me joy. Being alone brings me joy. Allowing my creativity to flow brings me joy. All of the stuff I mentioned before also brings me joy.
None of that sounds exciting when I say it out loud and to other people, but to be honest, who cares? It’s what lights me up, not what lights other people up.
So, let me ask you, what brings you joy? Have you thought about it lately?
