I’m a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and a baby. Recently, the baby hit a milestone I’d been dreading for months: the crossover from Will Sleep Anytime/Anywhere to Must Be In Crib at Nap Time OR ELSE.
Up until this point, the three of us had been happily skipping all over town during the day. We went to story hours, hung out at the library, participated in classes, swung by the gym, and ran errands. The toddler stayed entertained (aka generally well-behaved), the little one snoozed in his car seat, and I felt like Kate Winslet at the bow of the Titanic.
But then everything changed.
I’m one of those Type A busybody freaks, so I was always determined to be a mom who “did things” with her kids. Sure, it was nice for them, but also, I figured I’d need it to keep myself sane.
I told myself I would not let the crippling logistics of it all drag me down. I’d patiently pack diaper bags, fold strollers into trunks, strap kids into car seats, run back in for forgotten things, pull out of the driveway, pull back in to grab other forgotten things, scream-sing songs in the car to distract impatient kids, find parking spots, unload kids, battle weather conditions, distribute emergency snacks, pay entry fees, fill out release forms, nurse in public…all in the name of FAMILY FUN.
And, of course, I would never let rigid kid schedules dictate our lives.
But the Nap Problem really derailed me.
It turns out that all of the patience and good intentions in the world just can’t keep a baby from screaming his head off if he’d like to be sleeping in his crib (on his tummy, thank you very much) but instead finds himself strapped into his car seat on some dumb mommy/toddler adventure.
I tried to fight it at first. We’d go anyway, and I’d just pray for miracles. The baby would sometimes fall asleep in his car seat on the way, but somehow, the second I turned the car off, those big, round eyes would fly open—and stay open.
And then I’d pay for it, either with a mid-trip fussy baby or a post-trip overtired baby (I’m not sure which is worse). By the time we got home, I’d be overtired and fussy myself, and I’d think the most dreaded post-outing thought: “That wasn’t even worth it.”
And so, we are home now. Much more than before. Much more than I’d like to be.
I mean, yes, I’m a stay-at-home mom. My job is to stay at home. Boo-hoo that I have to actually do that, right?
What pains me about it is that I know I’m not the only mom in this position. I know we’re all trapped in our separate houses, with our happily sleeping babies and unhappily bouncing-off-the-walls toddlers. If only we all lived in a giant commune where we could just put our babies to bed (in their own beds) and then rendezvous in the middle to have adult conversations while our toddlers entertained each other. Right?
(Can that be a thing without it being weird? Maybe I’m just living in the wrong culture. Or the wrong century. Or both.)
And, of course, I feel bad for my toddler. He hasn’t been to the dance class I signed him up for (6 months ago, when life was different) in weeks, because the timing is just too tricky with his little brother’s naps.
It’s not that I’m anal about adhering to kids’ schedules to the minute. (Believe me!) If I thought my little one could get by on a short nap or a late nap or a skipped nap, I’d be all over it. But experience has shown that, in most cases, that doesn’t work for him. And disregarding his needs just doesn’t seem fair to him.
So for right now, the Nap is the boss.
I know that this will be even harder in the summer—I’m nervous about that. But I also know that, at some point, things will change. The baby will be less reliant on his morning nap, and then he’ll drop it altogether. (Funny how the loss of a nap feels like a win!)
Until then, my coping strategies are:
- Do the best we can with the nap-free windows we have. The time crunch requires even more planning than usual, but if I watch the clock, we can still make outings work.
- Dig deeper than ever into my creativity bucket. My toddler isn’t big on Pinterest projects, but if I put my back into it, we can kill a whole hour with a couple cars and a flat surface. (Ok, half an hour. Ok, 15 minutes. Ok, 10.)
- Don’t stress about the extra screen time the toddler gets when my creativity runs out. My sanity is still important.
- Hold my breath and hold on. As with any stage, I know that this one, too, shall pass.
Can any other mamas out there relate?
How do you handle the nap trap?
[…] recently read a blog post called ‘The Homebound Momma: Trapped by the Nap’ madison.citymomsblog.com. The writer talks about all these mothers being trapped in their separate houses while their […]
in order to stay home with my 1 and 2 year olds, I run a home daycare. We NEVER get to get out, even when they’re both awake! Tough because I’d be out all the time if I could. Worth it to be with them though 😉
I feel your pain. In fact here’s a short one minute video I made on nap time! https://youtu.be/nMPzjGbc5Ao
have you tried wearing baby in a carrier? I find this helps my son sleep almost anywhere and it’s possible to transfer him to and from the car seat. Just a thought.
Right there with you as I have a 6 and 7 year old that are busy screen timing it as I coerce the 1yr old to sleep. Did I mention he REFUSES to sleep in his crib and won’t stay asleep long if I’m not in the bed with him. So, the 2hr stretch (now that it’s just the 1 nap) I’m stretching my ear to keep tabs on my girls while mindlessly surfing Facebook or games to pass the time. Oh yeah, and I’m pregnant (planned it that way because I’m nuts) due in late October. Just asked the husband if he remembers how I handled the nap routine when the girls were born (11 months apart).I honestly don’t and am nervous because my son is so much more demanding than either of the girls ever thought about being. Gesh! Let the fun begin. The boys will be 15ish months apart and my 1yr old doesn’t take his fingers or paci and as of this past week doesn’t nurse anymore. Naps are boss but luckily only got a little while. You got this and so do i!
LOng ago a mom of 6 recommended making naptime king and being at peace with that… as well as making one day a week NO GO day. What does all this mean?
Its hard to adjust schedules but once you do, you and 2 hours of time at home to yourself. This is done by gradually adjusting schedules so both are on the same one… so if it means for a few months you don’t go out to sync up the children, it also means mom needs to get out when dad gets home so that mom doesn’t lose it. But it seriously saved my sanity. Takes a little extra researrch to find classes that are earlier or later and not around naptime – or car time where they would fall asleep and that would be it for nap – but it is so worth it I promise you! An online community is good, but so is inviting friends over during rest time who are able to visit. Or giving yourself a 45 minutes netflix show. Or making yourself a fancy lunch. You can treat yourself during that time. Really treat yourself and not jsut listening for someone to wake up randomly. Yes, screen time helps for sure.
Anther coping mechanism is to get a potted plant and nice candle so you can have some spots of beauty to appreciate while you are in this messy time.
NO GO day is good because with my first two I did all the classes and such but it wasn’t great socialization, more for me to keep them busy and those two children ended up expecting to be entertained. My last three are much more chill becasue I admittedly and purposely catered to them less by forcing us to stay put. I swear this is the biggest difference.
Anyways, this is what worked for us.
So glad you wrote this! I feel ya mama! My two kids are 19 months apart! And now the 7 month old wants her crib to nap! It’s tough. We travel a lot – so I get not wanting to cave to nap schedule but it’s hard & I feel awful for her when she is just so tired!! Was just talking about this with me husband the other day. Struggle is real 🙂
I was like that, once upon a time. That I wouldn’t let nap time dictate our day—hahahahaha!!
Little did I know.
Now I have an 8, 6 and 2 year old. When my older two were younger, it was pure bliss when their nap times synched up!
During the summer when everyone is home, I make the older two have quiet time while their brother sleeps. I also enjoy the quiet time, as well. They read or play quietly, play games, watch a show.
I watch my shows and fold laundry, Skype with a friend (headphones) or have lunch! Eating, without anyone grabbing your food or getting up 20 times for drinks, dropped utensils, etc??
The time to re-energize is great because our mornings are packed with beach time, visiting friends, going to activities.
You may find you enjoy it after awhile!
I am a mom of 5. 4 of them 6 and under. I then have a14 year old. My youngest is 1. About the 3rd baby I started a nap time routine that included the whole house. With so many little ones not only did I need to keep them busy but mommy needed a nap or down time too. So the baby would take ( which ever baby it was at the time) an early nap on the go. And then everyone even the older one had nap time in the early afternoon. Which ment little ones slept and the big one had silent reading time. Did I mention I homeschool? They are always home. At nap time I get my sanity break. I get my coffee a snack and then I will watch a show, read a book, do my devotion, clean a hot spot, most importantly I would take a nap when needed. They all would sleep between one to three hours. But the quiet of a sleeping house sometimes is worth the scheduled time at home. Ahhhhhhhhhh quiet. Enjoy that down time. Soon you will be begging for it back. Happy napping!?
I swear you read my every thought! I have a 3.5 year old that no longer takes naps and a 6 month old that NEEDS to be home for naps. My toddler wants my full attention most of the day and it’s hard to always have something for us to do when we’re stuck at home. He’s not a Pinterest kid either, he’d rather play outside or play cars.
I know everyone says, “this too shall pass” but when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to see a way out.