Every time I heard “my child is adjusting so well to virtual learning” or “my child is doing so much better than I thought with virtual learning”, I literally wanted to puke. Not that I wanted other families or children to be struggling like we were, I just wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. Was anyone else failing miserably?
Every time, I wanted to respond with, “does your child have high energy or ADHD?”. Want to come on over to our house and sip on some of this morning coffee or afternoon tea? Please. So many times, I wanted to post on my social media channels or scream from the Cottage Grove hills, “where are all my ADHD parents at?” And, even more specific, “where are all my ADHD parents with non-medicated ADHD children at?” And, honestly, why didn’t I do this? Why didn’t I ask for help? Why didn’t I ask his teacher and school for more support? Why didn’t I create my own support group? Why?
Why? Because we all hold ourselves to unrealistic and crazy standards. Why? Because I was embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn’t help my kid. Why? Because I didn’t want anyone to judge him…and me.
It wasn’t until my husband and I had a Zoom call with my son’s behavioral therapist in May (yep, 2 months already in) that I FINALLY cut my son (and myself) some slack. As I’m telling stories of our screaming battles, standing on tables throwing tantrums, punching school iPads and walls, and getting called every potty mouth name in the book, she was like “Michelle, when it escalates to this, I think it’s probably a good idea to take a break.” I literally wanted to cry. I actually think I did cry. It was like someone finally gave me the permission to just chill out. And, I actually did.
I no longer felt like his daily and weekly assignments were the bible. I did what we could, I did what HE could–what he had the capacity for at the moment and for the day. Was it enough? Most days and most weeks, probably not. But it was OK. We were getting in what we could and honestly, that is enough. If there is one thing that I learned during v-learning and all of safer-at-home for that matter, all we can do is our best. And our best IS enough. It’s not pretty, it’s damn sure not perfect, but it IS enough.
Another truth: man,I have my work cut out for me with this kid! Here’s to the second half of summer…and site words, flash cards and math games. Let’s do this thing, buddy, we’ve got it. First grade, here we come!
Written By: Michelle Zimmerman
Hello! I’m Michelle Z. and I live in Cottage Grove. We moved to the Madison area a little over five years ago. I have a hot husband, two children (almost 6 years old and 3.5 years old) and a dog (our first born!). I’ve been in the marketing+retail+digital space for over 15 years and I’m currently transitioning out of my role as the Director for Madison Originals, a local non-profit organization supporting independent restaurants. What’s next? I’m pursuing a writing career and working on my first book! I just published my blog as a way to share my life stories, tune-up my pen and create community.
