The other day I mentioned to my friend how I felt like a mess. I recently had my third child, and life has been chaotic and down right messy. I am exhausted from cleaning up daily, doing countless loads of laundry, and making dinner (nearly) every night. I used to have self-care time. I used to workout. Now I hardly have time to sleep and eat, let alone the energy to do anything extra. But let’s be real, no one has it all together. No one.
I catch myself scrolling through Instagram and comparing myself to other moms while I’m nursing my 3-month old. Oh she does this, her house looks like this, she takes her kids there, they go on vacation here… all of that. Meanwhile I am here, hostage in my house because it’s just easier to be home than it is to truck 3 kids, who are 5 and under, anywhere, by myself.
And I get sad. I get sad that I don’t have the ambition to do everything the other moms appear to be doing.
I get upset that I can’t keep the house clean. I feel overwhelmed by all the stuff piling up around the house. I get embarrassed when my parents come and bail me out when my toddler and 5-year-old spread lotion all over their rooms while I was feeding my little one, 30 minutes before we were to leave the house. (True story- it happened.) I wonder why can’t I keep it all together? Why AM I such a mess?
So, when I told my friend that I am a mess, she reminded me kindly, that we are not THE MESS, we are IN A MESS, and it’s called motherhood.
Sure we hear it all the time, stop comparing yourself to others… motherhood is hard… no one has it all together, but then we see posts on social media that make us feel otherwise. We see other moms on playdates and their house seems so less cluttered. They take their kids out nearly daily. They make crafts and have time to sit and play with them. They go on family vacations filled with fun and excitement. They have time to take pictures and post on social media. I bet they don’t yell at their kids. I bet they don’t have kids who destroy their things… I bet their kids behave.
I make up all these stories in my head. And that’s all they are… the stories I make up.
So let’s be real, we are ALL in a mess.
Motherhood is not easy, and even though we were told that it was challenging, and it was rewarding all at the same time, I didn’t quite understand WHAT I got myself into when I decided to be a mother. To be honest, I am still trying to figure my OWN stuff out, so how in the world can I possibly guide another human being?? One answer: Parent myself, first.
I don’t believe there is one human on this planet that doesn’t have stuff to work out. So if you feel like me, and some days you just want to throw in the towel, know that you are not alone. I promise you. And if you think others have their stuff together, I guarantee they don’t. Anyone can pull up their messy hair and shove a few toys out of the frame to get a “perfect picture”, but real life isn’t perfect, it’s messy.