A year ago, my son was about to turn 2 and had never said the word “Mama.”
Or “Dada.” Or “ball.” Or “up.” Mason was silent and stoic, and we were nervous.
Our pediatrician frowned at the communication questionnaires I filled out and recommended speech therapy. I frantically Googled things like “2 year old won’t talk” and tried to ignore the voice in my head.
We did everything we could think of to get him talking. We talked and read to him constantly, we bought flashcards with bright pictures on them, we implemented ideas from the book our pediatrician recommended.
I remember being with Mason at the library and chatting with another mom, whose son was 9 months younger than mine and talking up a storm. I was so envious of their interactions. “You’re right, that is a ball! Yes, a blue ball!” When she asked how old my son was and I told her, she looked confused. (Or maybe I just imagined it.)
During a parent-teacher conference at Mason’s daycare, I saw two words on his development report that I’ll never forget. Under communication skills: “extremely delayed.” I went home in tears.
Today, Mason is a few months from his third birthday, and he’s a total chatterbox. His vocabulary includes hundreds of words–too many to count, and more every day. His pronunciation isn’t as sharp as some kids’, and his sentences aren’t quite as sophisticated, but you’d never guess that a year ago he was only babbling.
If you’re the mom of a quiet toddler: be encouraged.
We all know that every child is different, and that they all learn at their own pace–or at least, we “know” that–but those darned milestones have a way of shaking our faith. (Unless our kids are meeting them early, in which case: look how smart they are!)
And of course, we ALL have friends whose kids are doing things sooner/better/easier…
One thing I’ve learned is to to recognize when a behavior is more a reflection of my son’s personality than his development or my parenting. Even though he’s talking now, Mason is still a reserved kid by nature. It takes him awhile to warm up to new environments and new people, and until he does that, he’s quiet. (I know: not the worst thing in the world for a toddler!)
Oh, and we did get that speech therapist, for a few months. She was wonderful with Mason, but she helped me even more. She had complete confidence in my son, when my own was faltering, and she gave me things to do so I could feel like I was “helping.”
In the end, though: my son talked when he was ready. Not a second sooner.
If you’re the mom of a late talker, and you find yourself wanting to feel like you’re helping, here are a few ideas to try. (This is a mix of tips and tricks from our speech therapist and our own experiences–but as always, remember that every child responds to things differently!)
Get your child’s ears checked
I was extremely reluctant to do this, since Mason seemed to hear fine–he reacted to sounds, responded to his name, etc. But even a small amount of hearing loss can impair speech development. (I’ve read that it’s like being underwater–imagine trying to learn a foreign language that way!)
In the end, a visit to the audiologist did detect some hearing loss, and the doctor recommended ear tubes. Mason didn’t start speaking until several months after the tubes, so we’re not sure how much we can credit them with his progress, but we definitely didn’t regret getting them. (Bonus side effect: no ear infections!)
Figure out what motivates your child
This was our speech therapist’s very first piece of advice. The idea is to teach kids that communication helps them get things they want–it’s not just for pleasing Mom and Dad. So instead of encouraging them to talk just for the sake of talking (“can you say Mama?”), save the prompting for things they care about.
Food and drink are common motivators. If your child wants a drink, withhold the cup a little bit and see if he’ll say “milk” (or whatever) to get it.
Encourage interaction through sounds
Sounds are precursors to speech and a great place to start. Talking about animal sounds is perfect for this, especially if your child is into animals.
Our son was into one thing, and one thing only: cars. So, our speech therapist encouraged as much vroom-vrooming and beep-beeping as possible.
Let them finish
Mason’s first word was “go,” and we got him to say it by prompting him with the phrase “ready, set, go.” We started using the phrase while playing with his cars, and once we were sure he was familiar with it, we’d say “ready, set…” and then wait. We did this over and over and over, and eventually, it clicked.
This method works great with books too–especially rhyming ones. Once you’ve read the child the book several times, try pausing before the last word of an easy sentence to see if he’ll fill in the blank. We still do this all the time with Mason, and he loves the opportunities to participate.
Get the child’s attention
We were coached to come down to Mason’s eye level and wait until he looked at us to speak (when prompting him). It was amazing how often we weren’t taking the time for this simple step.
Wait longer than usual for responses
We noticed that if we gave Mason a prompt and he didn’t make an effort to respond right away, we’d keep repeating the prompt. “Up? Can you say up? Do you want up?” But the problem wasn’t that he hadn’t heard us.
Eventually, we learned to wait an uncomfortable amount of time after a prompt, to give him plenty of time to respond if he wanted to.
Keep the pressure off
Mason used to get (actually, still gets) stage fright if he felt like he was being put on the spot. Sometimes, when he’d be playing alone, I’d overhear him making car sounds and bud in with comments like, “that’s right, buddy, vroom-vroom!” When he’d realize I’d been listening, he’d look flustered and immediately clam up. #fail!
Make a personalized picture book
Mama and Dada are often kids’ first words because they’re easy to say. But for some kids, the in-their-face interaction that’s usually happening when they’re taught those words can be intimidating. It can be helpful to encourage speech while focusing on something else–like a book.
We got a blank board book, like this one, and filled it with pictures of my husband and I, as well as all of Mason’s favorite things: a car, a truck, Elmo, and Mickey, plus some easy-to-say words like dog and ball. He loved it!
Don’t let the milestone police get you down
In retrospect, I wish I wouldn’t have let my pediatrician’s concerns get to me so much. I understand the importance of early intervention in some cases, but my son wasn’t showing any other concerning signs, and I had so many people (including the speech therapist) assuring me he’d catch up. Why was I so focused on the worst case scenario?
My final tip (and this applies to basically anything parenting-related): whatever you do, beware of Google!
To mimic what I heard many, many times during that phase: hang in there, Mama. Before you know it, your kid will be talking your ear off, and you’ll look back with fondness on those sweet, silent days.
Thank you soooooo much for this. My son is 2 and I had him evaluated (diagnosis= delayed), did the hearing test (that was normal) saw a neurologist (he’s not interested in people she said). I have been feeling like such a failure…I had him in my mid 40s and wondered if I waited too long. Reading your post gives me hope and eases this worried mommy’s heartache….THANK YOU!!!!
I came across this article as my 2 yr old daughter only says dada. She won’t even really look at me when I call her name. I had her hearing checked and every thing measured fine. They could only do the measuring of how sound vibrates off her ear drums. Bc she wouldn’t sit still in the booth. Maybe I’m allowing too much tv time? We have appts every 2 weeks for development with a coach. I’m just so afraid and nervous that she won’t ever talk. This gave me hope to see others who have gone through the same. I feel like I am not doing enough.
I’m going tpmthe same thing. I have a 3 year old too. Im very concerned she cnt make a full sentence or saying mommy I need milk.. compare to my friend her 3 year old talk like adult… now I’m searching for a good therapist..
As a mom I understand you it hurts
You would be surprised that my worry is the same exact my son just turned 2 years and six months and he never said mama or baba he is finally saying “go” and no and up, but after reading this I am in tears to the similarities between our sons. My son also loves cars and to an extreme. And Elmo and Mickey, but I’m sure that’s all boys. But also the fact that your son said Go like mine. Thank you so much for sharing I am new family medicine resident and also being a Pcp I still worried for my son. And reading this I’m so pleased and thankful for the time you took to share. I can’t thank you enough. I am in tears and finally I can stop worrying so much.
My 26 months boy doesn’t say any word, he had before like “mama” “baba” “ dada” but no these months. When I ask him “how the dogs do?- he answers “ham ham” and how the monkey does ?-he said “uiuiui” also he is very smart . He knows all the numbers 1-20 and more , he knows the alphabet, the fruits and vegetables. When I ask him where is particular thing ,he point the right one. He also speaks on his own and sing with melody saying “aaaaa or mmmm” like us sometime . I check buy my self with low and high voice and his hearing looks perfectly fine for me but I’m going to check with the audiologist to make sure.
Will be good if any of us will do an upgrade for future results. Like us there are many other moms worried for their kids. Thank you for sharing with us your story !
Thank you… needed to her this. I’m not necessarily frantic about her not talking yet like some parents may be because this is my 4th, but she is extremely different from my other 3 daughters in every way. I couldn’t help but google and wonder what may be going on with her not speaking very much. With her, it almost seems selective. I know she understands and she’ll even repeat words, but when I comes to asking for something, she’ll usually only use non verbal communication unless prompted, and even then, she won’t always repeat the word. I’m glad to know that this is probably temporary and within this next year, she’ll be talking up a storm. Thanks again.
Thank you. I really needed this. My son is almost 2 and at 18 months he’s pediatrician said he is “slightly” delayed with communication. It’s the worst most helpless feeling. I am getting him into a speech therapist soon (insurance issues) and I’m hoping it’ll help him and relax me. Thank you!
What is the deal with the cars! My husband and I have no interest in cars or wheels or mechanics, and yet our son is drawn like a moth to a flame to wheels, trucks and tractors. He is 16 months and can only say one word: mama. It’s really the only word he needs, but my husband and I are a little concerned, sometimes, primarily when he is driving us up the wall with whining. However, there are so many similarities between our situation and the one you described, so thank you so much for posting this!
I find a bit of relief when I read this post and all the comments. I am on the same boat so worried about my son he will be 26 months next week and still don’t say real words most of the sounds I hear are aaaaa, bababa, mama he won’t even say yes or no. Although he understands most of the simple instructions like throw it in the trash or give me your fork. And same as most boys he’s into cars and trucks. We started early intervention last December and it’s almost 3 mos and yet I don’t see much difference I don’t know if it’s because he is only seeing the speech therapist through the computer. I can’t wait for this pandemic to be over so he can play with other kids some say it will help him talk if he’s around kids. I can’t help but I’m so frustrated
I am doing early intervention through zoom also! And on a wait list for a speech therapist. I can totally relate to you! My 2 yr old daughter only says dada and babbles things. Doesnt even look at me when I call her name. It makes me so sad and scared. Had her hearing checked and she wouldn’t sit still the entire time in the booth so they had to measure it by using another tool that measures the vibration off her ear drum. Which she said was good. She responds to her fav shows and gets all excited. Hang in there!! It’s all in God’s time. If you ever wanna chat my email is [email protected].
Thank you for sharing. I do worry about our grandson who is now 29 months and still doesn’t talk but a few words, when he thinks no on is listening. He is learning two languages, and that may delay..but he babbles and never wants to say animal sounds either. His Pediatrician says due to him not being in daycare, but with Covid advises against going. We work with him, but he gets frustrated and aggravated and then we stop.
I hope he talks soon. This is our first grand and I so want to hear Grandma soon
My son is now 25 months old. Identical to all other little boys apparently with loving cars, mickey, elmo & he understands everything. You say are you finished with dinner he will hand you his plate, you say go to bed and he will take your hand & lead you to bed, go upstairs & he’s already there. We have tried everything, including everything in this article & all he will say is go or dadadadada (which we aren’t sure is Dada for his dad or just jibberish dadada). Doesnt matter what is going on or what we are talking about though all he will say is go or dadada. If you ask him what he wants he is more likely to start crying, throw whatever is in his hands, & crumple to the floor, than to point or even try to relay what he wants. He knows how to talk because every now & then he will pop up out of no where & say something but very rarely & never when prompted to. He also doesn’t do the animal noises & won’t have anything to do with us when we try reading him books or doing puzzles or flash cards, unless he’s tearing them up. He’s never said mama, baba, drink, milk, or anything. Wont work on his colors, doesn’t care for blocks, hes into one thing & one thing only…..cars but it’s difficult to even get him to say vroom just hums sometimes when we are playing & he hears us doing it for awhile but idk if he even understands that we are doing it as the cars sound or if he thinks we are just huming so he does it also…This is my first & I can’t help but think I am doing a horrible job at this parenting thing. ????
I know exactly how u feel. My boy is very non verbal, follows my instructions like what you’ve said like plate and holding your hand to show he knows what you want him to do like pulling you to places. But he doesn’t talk much at all. It’s so frustrating but I hope that we both have a chatterbox on our hands this time next year ???? just know that your not alone, I’m having a very bad emotional morning about him not talking which happens frequently; but perhaps try some musical shows on Netflix, there’s Cocomelon. My son loves to humm to the music and every now and then says a word in the songs. See if that works for your bubba, best of luck ????
This was so encouraging and helpful. My son turned 2 last month and he is using certain words like up, come, mama, dada, go and a few others, but I keep hearing that he should be talking more. Compared to other kids he doesn’t say nearly as much. He is super active and an amazing nonverbal communicator. I had to get an indoor jungle gym because he climbs constantly. I’m convinced he is so focused on motor skills that he just hasn’t taken interest in talking much yet, but the worry didn’t leave my heart. Thank you for this.