I have the best husband. He is loving, supportive, honest (sometimes brutally) and devoted. He works hard for our family day in and day out, while knowing that when his ‘workday’ is done… his ‘work’ is NOT done. Being parents to three kids two and under is something that we never expected. After battling with infertility, family planning wasn’t in the cards for us and though our journey to parenthood wasn’t conventional, it’s not all that uncommon either.
Our two year old became a big sister last March… a big sister times 2! She has a baby brother AND a baby sister. Needless to say, she went from receiving 100 percent of our attention to having to share the stage with her siblings who were born 10 weeks early. Our babies spent 7 weeks in the NICU and while it was one of life’s greatest challenges thus far, it was also a blessing that our toddler was able to see her brother and sister regularly before they moved in with us. She knew all about them and loved and embraced them before they became her roommates for the next 18 years.
One of my biggest struggles has been figuring out a way for my toddler to still receive the attention that any two year old yearns for (and deserves), while also providing for and loving on my twins. It’s been emotional, it’s been challenging… there’s been feelings of guilt and feelings of failure. But before I beat myself up too much, I will say that I also feel very accomplished to have three healthy babies who will always know how much they were wanted and will never wonder how much I love them.
While racking my brain about ways to make my toddler feel special and to give her things to look forward to, I came up with a plan. I decided that it was time for my husband to start dating again. Now, before you jump to any conclusions – hear me out! What better way for my toddler to know how much she is loved than to go on regular dates with her daddy?! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. But that quality time that they spend together is a win-win for everyone. My husband has something to look forward to when his long work day is done, my toddler feels special and gets some one on one time with her daddy (who she thinks hung the moon!) and I get to snuggle with my twins without chasing their big sister around the house (aka telling her to stop coloring on the walls, dumping entire cereal boxes or pulling clothes out of drawers!)
So here is how it works – every other Wednesday is date night for my husband and daughter. Since she’s only two, we pick the places that we think she will enjoy – but some day she will be able to pick the hot spot. That time is carved out and is a top priority. Some day my younger two will be part of the rotation and my husband will get a weekly date night (lucky guy!) and each child will get to bond with daddy every three weeks.
I feel so lucky to have a husband who loves his family and who cherishes the opportunity to create lasting memories and a strong bond with his children. I hope that these date nights go on for a very long time!
This is such a great idea! Joe’s Uncle Jerry used to do this, too. We need to get back to it. Time with Daddy is so important!
Great article Alisa. I totally agree and love the idea. My brother in law does this with his daughters, and now it’s turned into daddy/daughter vacations!
SO fun!! We will definitely have to continue on to the vacations some day!
On the flip side I’d also suggest that you schedule mama-daughter dates too. My oldest was 2 when his baby brother arrived and one of the best tips I received was to have mama-son dates. We didn’t have a weekly schedule like you describe but I made a point of taking him out for weekly 1on1 time. Sometimes it was as simple as going to the post office and library together without the distractions of a baby. Other times we went to the coffeeshop for a cookie.
I completely agree! I get to spend some quality one on one time with our daughter, but like you said it’s not scheduled out or as structured. But I did get to take her to the library in Verona the other day and we had the best time! 🙂