I’m going to admit something. Something that I’m pretty ashamed of. Something that I would love to take back. Something that I have learned from a million times over. Here is goes…
When I was a single gal who thought that she was never going to have children (by choice), I totally mom judged.
The pregnant women who were complaining about “pregnancy brain” were full of it. I mean really? How can you not remember where you put a file? Or seriously, you lose your phone every other hour. How is that even a thing? Pull yourself together, lady.
The mom with the toddler throwing a fit in the middle of a restaurant or a store? Can’t you contain your child? Can’t you make them behave? Or at least take their screaming down a notch?
The mom with the newly walking kiddo who isn’t walking but running all over the place, on a mission and totally in the way of everyone and everything? Put your kid in a stroller or a shopping cart. Why would you let them just run wildly?
I mom judged hard. And I’m ashamed of it. Because, now that I am a mom, I completely get it.
Pregnancy brain is not just while you are pregnant. It’s every day for the rest of the foreseeable future. I lose my phone at least 10 times a day. And if my keys aren’t hanging by the door, it will take me an hour to find them.
My toddler? She is just starting the temper tantrum stage (and she’s awesome at it). The other day she threw such an epic fit when I tried to put her in a shopping cart at Target that I had to just go home. I was defeated. She won. And you know what? I’m picking my battles. She can have the win this time because it didn’t really matter in hopes that when it does she’ll chill out.
The mom with the newly walking (running) toddler? I see you chasing your daughter (because she wouldn’t get in the cart because she’s insanely independent and she wants to show off her awesome running skills) and I want to give you a glass of wine, a spa day and ask how I can help.
I totally get it now. Moms are working their butts off from pregnancy and for the rest of their lives (ask my mom, she’s still working hard at moming 36 years later). We’re tired and unsure if what we’re doing is going to cause a little bit of therapy or a lot. We all have similar goals to raise kind kids that can make it in the real world when it’s their time. We all are just trying to do what’s best for our families. Every. Single. Day. And it’s exhausting.
I’m trying to make up for my single, pre-kid self by lending a hand or even just a “I completely understand, you are rocking motherhood, it’s ok, I hope you get a glass of wine soon” smile when I see a mom struggling. I high-five and celebrate with the mom whose kiddo is having even the smallest win. And most importantly, my judgement is completely gone.
Do what you need to do for your kids and your family and for you to stay as sane as possible. And whatever that looks like to you, is completely awesome. To those that are judging us, I only say, dare to walk a mile in our shoes and you’ll be changing your tune.