Unfiltered: Kids Edition

Kids say surprisingly insightful things. They say hilarious things sometimes, often when they are completely serious. We often hear our kids’ conversations and want to be able to remember them. They are young enough that they are always honest and true to themselves. And their interpretations of new concepts and ideas are wonderful, not to mention their sometimes-slightly-off pronunciations. Plus, the sass factor can be be sky-high.

Since our kids have been able to form words, my husband and I have been documenting when they say something we want to remember or share with each other when we’re not together. One of my favorite pasttimes is looking back on these and remembering when they said something funny or heartwarming, especially when they were just learning to speak and their English was a little broken. 

Photo credit: Ji-Yeon Photography

The app we use to keep track of these has a space limit for each note or list, and we have filled five of them thus far. Maybe someday, I’ll work on a different, better way to store them. That’s on the long to-do-but-not-right-now list. Here are some of my all-time favorite quotes:

Two Years Old

Me blow me nose. Steam come out me nose.

Me sleep… all up!

Mommy brush me teeth, me brush me teeth, that’s niiiiice.

Small toot come out me butt. No, small toot stay in me butt.

Me no want this fork. Me love me spoon.

You stay here and maybe I’ll be right back.

Me, after seeing him standing in a mess of toys: Oh, Cameron.
Cameron: Oh, me.

Me: I think Dr. Johnson is really nice, don’t you?
Cameron: And you’re pretty nice too.

Carson, to Hubby: You have a big mouth. Me have a small mouth. Cameron have a teeny tiny mouth.

Me, reading an alphabet book: F is for…
Cameron: Bacon!

Three Years Old

I’m going to take your temperature. You’re pointy-point-three.

I like to go into your room because I like your bed because I like to pretend to be you because I love you.

Playing Hide and Seek: Here’s your lunch, here I come!

Seeing a Bud Light commercial on TV: They talking about Buzz Lightyear!

Me, trying to teach him to use a spoon: Can you take a spoonful?
Carson: I don’t have time for that.

Carson: Do you want to help us build this tower?
Cameron: No.
Carson: Ok. Do you want to go away?
Cameron: Uh, ok.

Me to Cameron, who is opening a drawer: Didn’t Daddy just tell you not to open drawers?
Cameron: But he’s not here.

Carson, wrinkling his nose: What’s that smell?
Me: I don’t know, what does it smell like?
Carson: Blech! It smells like you.

I cough.
Carson: If you cough, put your elbow on your mouth.
Me: Oh, do you do that?
Carson: Uh, sometimes.

The Peppa Pig Effect

Me: Why is your finger in your mouth?
Carson: That’s just my ice lolly.

Me: What did you paint yesterday?
Carson: You’ll see.

Four Years Old

While getting dressed: This guy will be a fancy baby because these are fancy pants!

Reading a book: This one is in Spanish. “Blub blub blub blub.” Bye bye! Hope to see you soon.

Nana: How old are you now?
Cameron: Four!
Nana: And how many fingers is that?
Cameron: Um, I still have 10.

Nana: What happened to all of these trains that are piled on the side of the tracks?
Cameron: It’s okay, they’re just toys.

Hubby: Are you guys eating your food or playing with it?
Cameron: No.

Cameron: Can you please help me find that ball?
Me: Where did you see it last?
Cameron: Well, it was in my hand.

Me: Are you a goomba?
Carson: I’m NOT a goomba.
Hubby: Are you a meatball?
Carson: I’m NOT a meatball!
Me: Well, you could have fooled me.
Carson, grumpily: You fooled me. I don’t like to be fooled.

Me: Ow!
Carson: Why did you say “Ow?”
Me: Because I pinched my finger buckling you in.
Carson: You should be careful.

Carson, at bedtime: When Daddy gets back, can you ask him to wake me up? Because I like him a little bit better than you.
I start walking away.
Carson: Just a TINY bit better.

Hubby to Carson: I don’t like listening to you whine.
Cameron, under his breath: Me either.

Five Years Old

What in the seven seas is that?

I don’t know what to do next. There’s supposed to be more food.

Singing: Jingle crack, jingle crack, jingle all the crack.

Playing by himself: I’m not the boss of farting. No one is the boss of farting.

Me: Will you always snuggle with me, even when you’re 20?
Carson: If you’re not dead.

Carson, after I sneeze: Bless you! That was all my hair.
Me: Your hair’s kind of loud.
Carson: That’s because they all shout together.

Me: You guys are funny.
Carson, defensively: We’re not funny, Mommy!
Cameron: I am.

Me, after Carson hugs me: You’re 99% love, aren’t you?
Carson: I’m a billion love!

Cameron, rolling off my lap: I fell.
Me: You kind of fell on purpose.
Cameron: I never do anything on purpose!

Carson: Mommy, are germs a kind of bug?
Me: No…*tries to think of a good explanation*
Carson: Okay! *walks away* Cameron, germs are NOT a kind of bug.
Cameron: Well, I think they are.
Carson: But in real life, they’re not.

Me: I want you guys to know that I’m just going to buy one cookie or scone for you to share at the Farmers’ Market today.
Cameron: But what if it’s windy out?

Me: Even if you have babies of your own, you’ll always be my baby.
Carson: Only if I had a girl to have babies, because only girls can have babies. Unless you’re a seahorse.

I’m looking forward to infinite more quotes from them. What are some funny or memorable things your kids have said? Leave a comment!

Jenny is a Madison transplant from Winona, MN, with imaginative and talkative twin boys Cameron and Carson, born November 2010, and one very old kitten Arabella, born March 2003, and one very young kitten JoJo, born May 2018. Her husband is a Madison native and suckered her in to staying. She graduated in 2001 from the University of Minnesota-Duluth with a bachelor's degree in English Literature, currently working in financial services full-time and writing in her scant spare time when inspiration strikes. She tentatively blogs, with brutal honesty, on whippedcreamandkittens.com and frequently Instagrams. Besides whipped cream and kittens, she loves reading, writing, coffee, wine, cooking, traveling, movies, and spending time with family and close friends. Jenny is thrilled to be on the Madison Moms Blog team and happy to share her wacky and sarcastic tales of Madison momhood.


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