My life forever changed the day that I learned my husband and I were expecting twins. It was not part of our plan and turned our worlds upside down for a brief moment while it all sank in. Our oldest daughter was just 19 months old when I went into premature labor. I never would have guessed that twins would become part of our family’s ‘story’ – I never dreamed that something so seemingly terrifying could make my heart so full. It’s exhausting, demanding, overwhelming, amazing and wonderful all at once.
After my oldest daughter was born, I wrote a post entitled ’15 Things You Learn After You Give Birth’, today I’m going a step further and sharing ’15 Things You Learn After You Give Birth to Twins’.
- You instantly become envious of moms who are lucky enough to sport a mini-van! Yup, that’s right – you will WANT a mini-van.
- There’s really no point in trying to leave the house without spit up or other bodily fluids covering your clothing. Don’t get me wrong, I still shower and get dressed every day… but for what? Spit up no longer fazes me!
- They will often not be referred to as individuals but as ‘the twins’. This is not great for individualization and will start to drive you crazy. Don’t let it – almost everyone will say it. So unless you specifically request them to stop, it will continue. And if they have a sibling, be sure to be extra intentional about including the sibling. A lot of times strangers will gravitate to make over the ‘twins’ but try to keep the singleton included (same for when making plans and play dates… don’t leave the singleton sibling out!)
- I hear that some day I will get to sleep again. And by sleep, I mean all night. Ah, all night long – sounds like a dream! But don’t worry, you will somehow be able to survive (and thrive!) with very little sleep!
- Don’t expect to go anywhere without someone stopping you to ask if they are twins. People will come out of nowhere to ask you this.
- You will then be asked, ‘Are they identical?’ (For me I just stare blankly because – NO – boy/girl twins CAN’T be identical). Followed by ‘Were they a surprise?’ (Obviously…) Followed by ‘Are they natural?’ (What does this even mean?) Followed by ‘Do twins run in your family?’ (Which when coming from a stranger this seems like a transparent attempt to find out if we struggled with infertility!)
- Getting everyone changed, fed, bathed and clothed is a major accomplishment and deserves a reward. You will literally celebrate the things that used to seem so simple!
- You will quickly learn not to compare milestones – one might roll over first, while the other is the first to sit up. One may walk while the other crawls around talking. It doesn’t matter – don’t compare!
- When diapers go on sale, stock up! Whenever Cartwheel has our brand of diapers, we buy in bulk! Don’t worry – you can never have too many. You will use them ALL!
- If one baby gets sick, immediately expose the other. It is inevitable and the only thing worse than having two sick babies is having the sick baby get better right as the other baby gets sick.
- As long as you are using bottles (whether breast milk or formula), the dishwasher will likely be running for at least a year straight.
- Same is true for the washing machine.
- Everyone knows a twin and you will hear about it. “My cousin’s neighbor is a twin.” (Very interesting.)
- It’s not a competition – everyone will agree that whether you have one child or 5 children, raising kids is hard work. Don’t look down on parents of singletons. But when someone tells you that you have your hands full, remind them that your heart is also full.
- Twins mean twice the smiles, twice the laughs, twice the love.
Shortly after my babies came home from the hospital, I was still running on empty. I was feeling exhausted and spread thin. I was at an ice cream shop on State Street with all three kids and a perfect stranger looked at my newborns and said ‘you are SO lucky.’ At the time, my toddler was having a major meltdown and ice cream was the only way to get her to calm down (yes, I was rewarding terrible behavior). I thought the woman must be joking – but I looked at her and she repeated – ‘you are so lucky.’ She meant it. Six months later I know she genuinely felt that I was lucky and I now agree with her. I AM lucky. Blessed beyond measure and we have such a bright future to look forward to. So if you see a twin mama out and about, looking frazzled, remind her how lucky she is… she will thank you later!
You may also enjoy my post: One Year With Twins!
Alisa, thanks for sharing your story!! Our lives are practically identical at the moment because I too am a mom of three children two and under. Your blog couldn’t have been written better if I would have written it myself! Surprisingly my little ones even have similar birth dates as your sweet babies. My two year old son was born July 31, 2012 (originally due in August like your daughter) and my boy/girl twins were born 6 weeks premature in March of 2014. You’re exactly right, our hands are full… But not as full as our hearts! I wouldn’t change a thing and I’m sure you wouldn’t either!!
My identical twin boys will be 4 years old in a few weeks. I agree! So true the last statement about being lucky. Blessed for sure.
#2 & #4 never applied to us beyond the first few weeks. I don’t undrstand why everyone seems to accept that “spit up is normal”! It’s NOT!!!!!! I changed mine to a different formula until they no longer got sick in any way (some would cause an issue one end or the end). It’s VERY rare that mine EVER spit up after that. We didn’t even use burp cloths.
My b/g twins just turned 10. I remember all those very well, especially #6!! I was once asked “Did you take pregnancy pills for those?” I did struggle with infertility, but twins in fact do run in my family. A good answer to that is “Yes twins do run in my family. They run, jump, and climb.”
I, too, had a 19 month old when my boy/girl twins arrived! I thought then and still do that I was blessed beyond measure! Every point you made is so true!
Ha! My (fraternal) boys will be 18 in July – it has been a ride.
Hi There..Just loved your article. Me n my wife are a pround parents of twin baby boy n girl. They are just 3 months old. We enjoy everday every new moment with them..and yes we do feel that we are lucky n special!! So all of you guys are..
I have boy/girl twins….they are my life…I had someone ask me at church…they look soo much alike! How EVER do you tell them apart? Ummmmmm…..errrrrrrr….well, if I really get stumped…..I just take off their diaper….in which my mother shoots me the evil eye! Hahaha
Its not often that I read my own thoughts by someone whose story is so close to mine. My oldest was 13 months when the twins came and they were 21/2 when my son was born. The comments became tiresome, but I guess people try to fill an awkward moment. Thanks for the article.
BTW mine are now 16, 14 and 12….it doesn’t get easier its just that the challenges change almost daily. I do sleep now though.
I have 3.5 year old boy/girl twins that really don’t look very similar. I get a lot of, “How far apart are they?” I respond, “One minute.” It takes them a few beats to figure it out. By then, I have had a chance to move along and avoid any more questions.
This made me laugh! Because I would say the SAME thing! My girl has always been taller than my boy so most people think they are at least one year apart. 🙂 Glad I’m not the only one to use that line. 🙂 (Mine are 4 years.)