A year ago, my son was about to turn 2 and had never said the word “Mama.”
Or “Dada.” Or “ball.” Or “up.” Mason was silent and stoic, and we were nervous.
Our pediatrician frowned at the communication questionnaires I filled out and recommended speech therapy. I frantically Googled things like “2 year old won’t talk” and tried to ignore the voice in my head.
We did everything we could think of to get him talking. We talked and read to him constantly, we bought flashcards with bright pictures on them, we implemented ideas from the book our pediatrician recommended.
I remember being with Mason at the library and chatting with another mom, whose son was 9 months younger than mine and talking up a storm. I was so envious of their interactions. “You’re right, that is a ball! Yes, a blue ball!” When she asked how old my son was and I told her, she looked confused. (Or maybe I just imagined it.)
During a parent-teacher conference at Mason’s daycare, I saw two words on his development report that I’ll never forget. Under communication skills: “extremely delayed.” I went home in tears.
Today, Mason is a few months from his third birthday, and he’s a total chatterbox. His vocabulary includes hundreds of words–too many to count, and more every day. His pronunciation isn’t as sharp as some kids’, and his sentences aren’t quite as sophisticated, but you’d never guess that a year ago he was only babbling.
If you’re the mom of a quiet toddler: be encouraged.
We all know that every child is different, and that they all learn at their own pace–or at least, we “know” that–but those darned milestones have a way of shaking our faith. (Unless our kids are meeting them early, in which case: look how smart they are!)
And of course, we ALL have friends whose kids are doing things sooner/better/easier…
One thing I’ve learned is to to recognize when a behavior is more a reflection of my son’s personality than his development or my parenting. Even though he’s talking now, Mason is still a reserved kid by nature. It takes him awhile to warm up to new environments and new people, and until he does that, he’s quiet. (I know: not the worst thing in the world for a toddler!)
Oh, and we did get that speech therapist, for a few months. She was wonderful with Mason, but she helped me even more. She had complete confidence in my son, when my own was faltering, and she gave me things to do so I could feel like I was “helping.”
In the end, though: my son talked when he was ready. Not a second sooner.
If you’re the mom of a late talker, and you find yourself wanting to feel like you’re helping, here are a few ideas to try. (This is a mix of tips and tricks from our speech therapist and our own experiences–but as always, remember that every child responds to things differently!)
Get your child’s ears checked
I was extremely reluctant to do this, since Mason seemed to hear fine–he reacted to sounds, responded to his name, etc. But even a small amount of hearing loss can impair speech development. (I’ve read that it’s like being underwater–imagine trying to learn a foreign language that way!)
In the end, a visit to the audiologist did detect some hearing loss, and the doctor recommended ear tubes. Mason didn’t start speaking until several months after the tubes, so we’re not sure how much we can credit them with his progress, but we definitely didn’t regret getting them. (Bonus side effect: no ear infections!)
Figure out what motivates your child
This was our speech therapist’s very first piece of advice. The idea is to teach kids that communication helps them get things they want–it’s not just for pleasing Mom and Dad. So instead of encouraging them to talk just for the sake of talking (“can you say Mama?”), save the prompting for things they care about.
Food and drink are common motivators. If your child wants a drink, withhold the cup a little bit and see if he’ll say “milk” (or whatever) to get it.
Encourage interaction through sounds
Sounds are precursors to speech and a great place to start. Talking about animal sounds is perfect for this, especially if your child is into animals.
Our son was into one thing, and one thing only: cars. So, our speech therapist encouraged as much vroom-vrooming and beep-beeping as possible.
Let them finish
Mason’s first word was “go,” and we got him to say it by prompting him with the phrase “ready, set, go.” We started using the phrase while playing with his cars, and once we were sure he was familiar with it, we’d say “ready, set…” and then wait. We did this over and over and over, and eventually, it clicked.
This method works great with books too–especially rhyming ones. Once you’ve read the child the book several times, try pausing before the last word of an easy sentence to see if he’ll fill in the blank. We still do this all the time with Mason, and he loves the opportunities to participate.
Get the child’s attention
We were coached to come down to Mason’s eye level and wait until he looked at us to speak (when prompting him). It was amazing how often we weren’t taking the time for this simple step.
Wait longer than usual for responses
We noticed that if we gave Mason a prompt and he didn’t make an effort to respond right away, we’d keep repeating the prompt. “Up? Can you say up? Do you want up?” But the problem wasn’t that he hadn’t heard us.
Eventually, we learned to wait an uncomfortable amount of time after a prompt, to give him plenty of time to respond if he wanted to.
Keep the pressure off
Mason used to get (actually, still gets) stage fright if he felt like he was being put on the spot. Sometimes, when he’d be playing alone, I’d overhear him making car sounds and bud in with comments like, “that’s right, buddy, vroom-vroom!” When he’d realize I’d been listening, he’d look flustered and immediately clam up. #fail!
Make a personalized picture book
Mama and Dada are often kids’ first words because they’re easy to say. But for some kids, the in-their-face interaction that’s usually happening when they’re taught those words can be intimidating. It can be helpful to encourage speech while focusing on something else–like a book.
We got a blank board book, like this one, and filled it with pictures of my husband and I, as well as all of Mason’s favorite things: a car, a truck, Elmo, and Mickey, plus some easy-to-say words like dog and ball. He loved it!
Don’t let the milestone police get you down
In retrospect, I wish I wouldn’t have let my pediatrician’s concerns get to me so much. I understand the importance of early intervention in some cases, but my son wasn’t showing any other concerning signs, and I had so many people (including the speech therapist) assuring me he’d catch up. Why was I so focused on the worst case scenario?
My final tip (and this applies to basically anything parenting-related): whatever you do, beware of Google!
To mimic what I heard many, many times during that phase: hang in there, Mama. Before you know it, your kid will be talking your ear off, and you’ll look back with fondness on those sweet, silent days.
Hi, I have 2 year old twin boys, they can recite from 1-10 and A-Z, use 10-20 words, some pretend play too, but they dont call us mama and papa, neither do they ask for water, milk, food even though they know the meaning of these things, I find it difficult to accept that with so much they can have autism, but one of them likes to repeat same thing again and again for a minute or so, they dont have tantrums, are social, like smiling at people, jumping around the whole day, can you suggest something? We had a session with paed. she is concerned, next month we are starting with their speech therapy
How are your twin boys doing now a year later? My 2yr old similarly can recite the alphabet, numbers 1-10, around 10 other words and 2word set expressions from children’s tv show like, “Oh no!” but can’t copy or mimic us or say every day words like cup, eat, want, truck, bath, book, come, sit. He is cheerful and friendly but has minimal eye contact and is quite ADHD and very active so he wont look at books. He can’t copy hand movements or even look at me if I try to help him play Patty cake, Wheels on the bus, Itsy Bitsy Spider”….but he enjoys watch kids songs via videos. He doesn’t mimic the actions with the video nor with me up until a few months ago he couldn’teave bye bye, now he can do it 1 out of every 10x usually very delayed response after a person has left. But back on mimicry and gestures, one time at 25mo old he simply heard the title of the book is Itsy Bitsy Spider, and he looked at me and silently and really quickly did like a whole sign language type sentence (spider crawling up, rain drop, sun overhead, spider crawling up). I praised him, opened the book and he turned away. I started singing the song and engaging him as I did arm movements and he pulled away to look out the window instead. I spoke the title of the book on other occasions and he has never re-done any hand gestures….just once….it’s like he knows it but doesn’t want to do it if I can see him. I am very calm, low key and easy going so I’m not overly animated or gushing with praise to make him nervous, so I don’t understand it. Final point: He had ear tubes put in 4mo ago
I just wanted to say thank you for the encouragement in your blog, as well as the tips. Here I am crying as I google and stress over my almost 2 year old son talking less than two words. Trying to figure out other ways to help him, what the speech therapist might say when we meet them soon. So thank you again,I needed that encouragement, what a great read.
I needed this today. I realize it’s an old post but it’s where we are right now. Our son is almost 22 months and flat out refuses to talk. He’s so far ahead of the curve in every other area of development (his speech therapist is blown away by his problem solving abilities every week) but the verbal communication is still on the level of a 10 month old. I’m so stressed because we have baby #3 coming in less than 8 weeks and I’ve been feeling like I’m failing him on a daily basis not being able to give him whatever tool he’s missing.
My son is 21.5 months old (2nd child) and still won’t say mama or dada purposely. But once in a blue moon sometimes he would say mum mum when he wants food or few times I heard him say vrooooom when he was playing with cars. I was getting really concerned as he refuses to speak when I ask him to say something. All he does is shake his head or just look at me like an idiot then ignore me and continue doing what he was doing. Not quite time for pediatrician visit yet but definitely getting worried as we are inching towards 24 months. Reading your article helped calm me down. I guess I’ll give it a few more months and see if speech therapy is required.
Thank you for sharing this! I had never considered getting ears checked, and I have been desperately searching for ways to help. My little guy is 2.5 and he doesn’t say much. His personality is quiet and independent but I’ve never felt right about our speech progress. Our first pediatrician was wonderful and told me that at 2 years old if he still hadn’t progressed we’d get into speech therapy. But we moved before his 2nd birthday and our new pediatrician said he wouldn’t give us the referral until 2.5. Here we are 6 months later, still no speech progress. I’m so frustrated with myself and with the 2nd doctor for wasting 6 months of early intervention. We just moved again, and now I have to wait for records to transfer before I can get him in to see his new pediatrician. A process that will likely take a couple weeks, but feels like an eternity because everyday we are getting more and more worried and he’s getting more and more frustrated.
Hi Virginia. What state do you live in? I’m in Michigan and we have a program called Early On. It’s part of the Head Start program and it was recommended to me by our pediatrician. It’s free to everyone and you don’t need a referral. Maybe where you live has a similar program?
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I really needed to hear a real story and know that it’s going to be okay!
This sounds just like my son! He’s a little over 2 and only says the very few words. Dada, mama, yeah and knows the clothes blue, green and red but picks to say the color blue when he sees it over the others. He understand very well and follow his directions. We live in Milwaukee and have him in the birth to theee program but I feel the therapist could be doing more. If you don’t mind me asking who did you go through for therapy?
Hi all
Thanks a lot for these comments and personal stories that you are sharing. My son is 3 years and 4 months now and he can barely make a sentence. He is able to count 1-10. Sings all the alphabets A to Z. And sings a few songs, though some words are not clear when he is singing. He doesn’t point to things and sometimes it is hard to get his attention when you call his name especially when he is doing something else. We are stressed about his progress and we are aware that he is far much behind. He has been referred to speech therapist and attends a special pre-school for a few hours three times a week. He is due to start primary school – reception level in September this year and we are both worried about how he will cope. He is not potty trained yet because we think he is not ready yet. The peadetrician said that he might be autistic in his first visit but recently when we saw her a few months ago she didn’t say that. It seems words don’t make any sense to him and we worry about him everyday, just wondering how his future will shape out to be like. We are in bits. Has anyone got a child like ours.
I’m a stress case , constantly in tears & reading this blog did help a bit. My son is 2 & a half & has ho words. He’s smart as a whip otherwise. Plays great, knows exactly what we are saying to him but will not speak.
We have had EI for the last year however that was for feeding issues. We recently started speech therapy through EI also a month ago.
The past visit from EI she said she was Autism. Speech TX said Asphergers. My husband nor I see either.
Maybe in denial? Idk… Our pediatrician at our 2 yr only said Speech delay. We are currently waiting for another appointment with our pediatrician & a hearing test. Another thing I also think is silly bc I feel as if he hears great. Idk.. I’m all over the place.
Scared. Worried…. Ugh!
What ever came of your child’s situation? This sounds similar to mine
I needed this today, i feel relief. My daughter will be two next week, she doesnt say much but is doing everything else perfectly. The fear builds, i needed to hear this… thank you.