A year ago, my son was about to turn 2 and had never said the word “Mama.”
Or “Dada.” Or “ball.” Or “up.” Mason was silent and stoic, and we were nervous.
Our pediatrician frowned at the communication questionnaires I filled out and recommended speech therapy. I frantically Googled things like “2 year old won’t talk” and tried to ignore the voice in my head.
We did everything we could think of to get him talking. We talked and read to him constantly, we bought flashcards with bright pictures on them, we implemented ideas from the book our pediatrician recommended.
I remember being with Mason at the library and chatting with another mom, whose son was 9 months younger than mine and talking up a storm. I was so envious of their interactions. “You’re right, that is a ball! Yes, a blue ball!” When she asked how old my son was and I told her, she looked confused. (Or maybe I just imagined it.)
During a parent-teacher conference at Mason’s daycare, I saw two words on his development report that I’ll never forget. Under communication skills: “extremely delayed.” I went home in tears.
Today, Mason is a few months from his third birthday, and he’s a total chatterbox. His vocabulary includes hundreds of words–too many to count, and more every day. His pronunciation isn’t as sharp as some kids’, and his sentences aren’t quite as sophisticated, but you’d never guess that a year ago he was only babbling.
If you’re the mom of a quiet toddler: be encouraged.
We all know that every child is different, and that they all learn at their own pace–or at least, we “know” that–but those darned milestones have a way of shaking our faith. (Unless our kids are meeting them early, in which case: look how smart they are!)
And of course, we ALL have friends whose kids are doing things sooner/better/easier…
One thing I’ve learned is to to recognize when a behavior is more a reflection of my son’s personality than his development or my parenting. Even though he’s talking now, Mason is still a reserved kid by nature. It takes him awhile to warm up to new environments and new people, and until he does that, he’s quiet. (I know: not the worst thing in the world for a toddler!)
Oh, and we did get that speech therapist, for a few months. She was wonderful with Mason, but she helped me even more. She had complete confidence in my son, when my own was faltering, and she gave me things to do so I could feel like I was “helping.”
In the end, though: my son talked when he was ready. Not a second sooner.
If you’re the mom of a late talker, and you find yourself wanting to feel like you’re helping, here are a few ideas to try. (This is a mix of tips and tricks from our speech therapist and our own experiences–but as always, remember that every child responds to things differently!)
Get your child’s ears checked
I was extremely reluctant to do this, since Mason seemed to hear fine–he reacted to sounds, responded to his name, etc. But even a small amount of hearing loss can impair speech development. (I’ve read that it’s like being underwater–imagine trying to learn a foreign language that way!)
In the end, a visit to the audiologist did detect some hearing loss, and the doctor recommended ear tubes. Mason didn’t start speaking until several months after the tubes, so we’re not sure how much we can credit them with his progress, but we definitely didn’t regret getting them. (Bonus side effect: no ear infections!)
Figure out what motivates your child
This was our speech therapist’s very first piece of advice. The idea is to teach kids that communication helps them get things they want–it’s not just for pleasing Mom and Dad. So instead of encouraging them to talk just for the sake of talking (“can you say Mama?”), save the prompting for things they care about.
Food and drink are common motivators. If your child wants a drink, withhold the cup a little bit and see if he’ll say “milk” (or whatever) to get it.
Encourage interaction through sounds
Sounds are precursors to speech and a great place to start. Talking about animal sounds is perfect for this, especially if your child is into animals.
Our son was into one thing, and one thing only: cars. So, our speech therapist encouraged as much vroom-vrooming and beep-beeping as possible.
Let them finish
Mason’s first word was “go,” and we got him to say it by prompting him with the phrase “ready, set, go.” We started using the phrase while playing with his cars, and once we were sure he was familiar with it, we’d say “ready, set…” and then wait. We did this over and over and over, and eventually, it clicked.
This method works great with books too–especially rhyming ones. Once you’ve read the child the book several times, try pausing before the last word of an easy sentence to see if he’ll fill in the blank. We still do this all the time with Mason, and he loves the opportunities to participate.
Get the child’s attention
We were coached to come down to Mason’s eye level and wait until he looked at us to speak (when prompting him). It was amazing how often we weren’t taking the time for this simple step.
Wait longer than usual for responses
We noticed that if we gave Mason a prompt and he didn’t make an effort to respond right away, we’d keep repeating the prompt. “Up? Can you say up? Do you want up?” But the problem wasn’t that he hadn’t heard us.
Eventually, we learned to wait an uncomfortable amount of time after a prompt, to give him plenty of time to respond if he wanted to.
Keep the pressure off
Mason used to get (actually, still gets) stage fright if he felt like he was being put on the spot. Sometimes, when he’d be playing alone, I’d overhear him making car sounds and bud in with comments like, “that’s right, buddy, vroom-vroom!” When he’d realize I’d been listening, he’d look flustered and immediately clam up. #fail!
Make a personalized picture book
Mama and Dada are often kids’ first words because they’re easy to say. But for some kids, the in-their-face interaction that’s usually happening when they’re taught those words can be intimidating. It can be helpful to encourage speech while focusing on something else–like a book.
We got a blank board book, like this one, and filled it with pictures of my husband and I, as well as all of Mason’s favorite things: a car, a truck, Elmo, and Mickey, plus some easy-to-say words like dog and ball. He loved it!
Don’t let the milestone police get you down
In retrospect, I wish I wouldn’t have let my pediatrician’s concerns get to me so much. I understand the importance of early intervention in some cases, but my son wasn’t showing any other concerning signs, and I had so many people (including the speech therapist) assuring me he’d catch up. Why was I so focused on the worst case scenario?
My final tip (and this applies to basically anything parenting-related): whatever you do, beware of Google!
To mimic what I heard many, many times during that phase: hang in there, Mama. Before you know it, your kid will be talking your ear off, and you’ll look back with fondness on those sweet, silent days.
My cousin’s son is 6 and he doesnt say a word. He used to talk a little when he was idk maybe 2 he could say “dada” “mama” but then he just stopped. He understands everything that u say, it is obvious that he hasn’t any problem with hearing but still he won’t say a word. He’s so interested in books, he looks at them like he’s reading and his mom tells us that after a while he gets bored of them. I remember once he saw an English vocabulary on our house and from that day everytime he comes to our house he goes to the room where he saw it and checks about it. The problem is that his family is so poor, they can’t afford to send him to a doctor, or even a school because now he’s 6 and he needs to spend more time with other kids i guess and not stay all day long with his mom. What do you think, can u suggest anything ?
My 5 year old was not talking at 30 months old. After having him evaluated by a Speech and Language Pathologist (SLP), he was diagnosed with Childhood Apraxia of Speech and needed intense speech therapy. He would later be diagnosed with Dyspraxia and Global Apraxia (AKA Developmental Coordination Disorder) as well. At 5, he is still very quiet and still has some articulation issues but he can talk. There is a good chance that if we hadn’t gotten him speech services when we did, he may have ended up being non-verbal. If your child is not talking at 2, it is always a good idea to have them evaluated by a SLP, just to be sure. If your gut tells you something is wrong, get it checked.
Hi Brenda, how did you get your child evaluated with an SLP? Did the DR refer your son?
J K, My daughter’s story is very similar to Brenda’s. I think your child’s doctor would be the best place to start. If you feel you ever need a second opinion definitely do not hesitate.
Kim! This article spoke to my worried Mama soul! I have a 2 year old, Emerson, and everything that was in your story about Mason (aside from the love of cars) is her to a tee. She isn’t quite a chatterbox yet but is making some progress, up to about 10-15 words. She is kind, social and compassionate but doesn’t care to say more than “oh my!”, “daaaaaad”, “baby (for her younger bro!” and the occasional “yes” or “no”.
I cried reading this because I needed this. #imnotcryingyourecrying
Emerson has gone through speech therapy, we checked out with the audiologist, my hubs and I fell into the google-oh-no-hole and I couldn’t help but feel like I’ve really screwed up as a parent. Thank you for sharing Mason’s story with us.
Thank you for sharing your story Kim! Your story is so very similar to ours but our son has yet to talk. Our son is almost 2 1/2 and he still is just babbling. We used all the tips you listed but he still doesn’t want to talk. Thank you for making this mama not feel alone and a little more hopeful!
Likewise with ours…he’s turning two next month. Keep strong! Sending good vibes from Seattle!
Thank you so much for this blog. My son is almost 2.5 and not speaking much. He can say a ton of words, but rarely does he ever use them or speak to me in sentences. He’s a lot like the way Mason is, takes awhile to warm up in unfamiliar environments, and just kinda likes to do his own thing. People look confused when I tell them how old he is, and sometimes I feel embarrassed, and I HATE feeling that way. We got his ears checked, we work with him constantly. We got evaluated for cognitive development and speech and both therapists said he’s perfectly fine, just not ready. I need to listen to them but it’s so easy to get discouraged from the milestone police and seeing children so much younger than my son saying so much more. I know he will talk when he’s ready, I just need to believe it myself. Thanks for easing my mind a bit 🙂
Thank you Kim for sharing your story. I see major similarities with my own situation.
As a father of a child who is 2yr 3mo old who doesn’t speak, when we first began to realize that our son was delayed I would often find myself blaming myself for my son’s lack of communication skills. My wife and I have done everything in this article with negative results. We have an early intervention specialist who comes to our home and works with our son each week. Over the past 6 months we have seen almost no improvement yet we are still hopeful and believe this is a result of what our son wants to do vs. what he can do. I am writing this today so other parents out there know that they are not alone.
My advice:
1.) Never feel defeated
2.) Never blame yourself
3.) Never give up
4.) Never ever compare your child to another child
Thank you … reading this post really continues to help keep is grounded. Sending well wishes from Seattle!
Like the other parents here, I really needed to read this today and it spoke to my soul. My son, my oldest is turning two next month and is still just babbling , at times it’s tonal and others it’s a repetition of one sound, no words yet but at times a random (?) maybe maybe not coincidental “mama” or “mom”.
We will certainly add these tips to our activities. He’s due in to see the pediatrician on his 2nd birthday and go from there. I’m certain we will be seeing a ST and I’m all for anything that will help him along.
Thank you, and to all parents whom posted. It’s truly a comforting feeling to know we are not alone. Love to all. Keep Strong !
Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m in tears reading this as a first time mom of a 20 month old who rarely says any words. It’s so hard to keep your spirits up when there are children all around speaking tons of words.
This article has helped me feel so much better! My daughter, our 3rd child, is speech delayed. She just turned 2 and can say 10-15 words, but you have to make her say many of them. She has no interest in repeating anything I say. She walks and points to what she wants and has a big pacifier addiction (we are working on taking it away this summer ????). I know there are kids in her daycare that are already speaking in full sentences and they mentioned that they would get us signed up for speech at the daycare. She follows directions and is loving and plays with baby dolls and brushes the stuffed animals, etc. She loves animals and imitates their noises. She had reflux as a baby and had numerous ear infections. We had a second set of tubes put in and adenoids taken out recently. We had a speech evaluation two weeks ago and she said she thinks she is probably just delayed because of her ear infections and she has no doubt she will catch up. We will do a re-eval in 6 months. We also had her hearing checked by an audiologist and it was fine. My mom says we have had several kids in the family that were late talkers.. my husband keeps reminding me I was worried about our 2nd daughter as well and she is one of the top academic students in her grade at school. She also needed speech therapy but is just naturally quiet and didn’t start speech until she started kindergarten. Anyway.. we are just going to wait 6 months to see if we have a speech explosion. It’s just hard not to worry and compare your children! My oldest child has always been a chatterbox so it makes me wonder if sometimes their personality affects their speech as well!
This is us too!!! And my oldest was a chatter so I can’t help but compare but they are very different personalities. I feel personality plays huge roll.
Thank you SO much for writing this! It was exactly what I needed to read, especially today. I feel like even at speech therapy the therapist thinks there’s more to it all, but simply my daughter is shy, slow to warm up (as her parents are too) and I don’t understand why that’s not ok. We are trying to ensure she’s in right track for speech, not make her someone she isn’t. Thank you for being so candid and supportive!