I’m a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and a baby. Recently, the baby hit a milestone I’d been dreading for months: the crossover from Will Sleep Anytime/Anywhere to Must Be In Crib at Nap Time OR ELSE.
Up until this point, the three of us had been happily skipping all over town during the day. We went to story hours, hung out at the library, participated in classes, swung by the gym, and ran errands. The toddler stayed entertained (aka generally well-behaved), the little one snoozed in his car seat, and I felt like Kate Winslet at the bow of the Titanic.
But then everything changed.
I’m one of those Type A busybody freaks, so I was always determined to be a mom who “did things” with her kids. Sure, it was nice for them, but also, I figured I’d need it to keep myself sane.
I told myself I would not let the crippling logistics of it all drag me down. I’d patiently pack diaper bags, fold strollers into trunks, strap kids into car seats, run back in for forgotten things, pull out of the driveway, pull back in to grab other forgotten things, scream-sing songs in the car to distract impatient kids, find parking spots, unload kids, battle weather conditions, distribute emergency snacks, pay entry fees, fill out release forms, nurse in public…all in the name of FAMILY FUN.
And, of course, I would never let rigid kid schedules dictate our lives.
But the Nap Problem really derailed me.
It turns out that all of the patience and good intentions in the world just can’t keep a baby from screaming his head off if he’d like to be sleeping in his crib (on his tummy, thank you very much) but instead finds himself strapped into his car seat on some dumb mommy/toddler adventure.
I tried to fight it at first. We’d go anyway, and I’d just pray for miracles. The baby would sometimes fall asleep in his car seat on the way, but somehow, the second I turned the car off, those big, round eyes would fly open—and stay open.
And then I’d pay for it, either with a mid-trip fussy baby or a post-trip overtired baby (I’m not sure which is worse). By the time we got home, I’d be overtired and fussy myself, and I’d think the most dreaded post-outing thought: “That wasn’t even worth it.”
And so, we are home now. Much more than before. Much more than I’d like to be.
I mean, yes, I’m a stay-at-home mom. My job is to stay at home. Boo-hoo that I have to actually do that, right?
What pains me about it is that I know I’m not the only mom in this position. I know we’re all trapped in our separate houses, with our happily sleeping babies and unhappily bouncing-off-the-walls toddlers. If only we all lived in a giant commune where we could just put our babies to bed (in their own beds) and then rendezvous in the middle to have adult conversations while our toddlers entertained each other. Right?
(Can that be a thing without it being weird? Maybe I’m just living in the wrong culture. Or the wrong century. Or both.)
And, of course, I feel bad for my toddler. He hasn’t been to the dance class I signed him up for (6 months ago, when life was different) in weeks, because the timing is just too tricky with his little brother’s naps.
It’s not that I’m anal about adhering to kids’ schedules to the minute. (Believe me!) If I thought my little one could get by on a short nap or a late nap or a skipped nap, I’d be all over it. But experience has shown that, in most cases, that doesn’t work for him. And disregarding his needs just doesn’t seem fair to him.
So for right now, the Nap is the boss.
I know that this will be even harder in the summer—I’m nervous about that. But I also know that, at some point, things will change. The baby will be less reliant on his morning nap, and then he’ll drop it altogether. (Funny how the loss of a nap feels like a win!)
Until then, my coping strategies are:
- Do the best we can with the nap-free windows we have. The time crunch requires even more planning than usual, but if I watch the clock, we can still make outings work.
- Dig deeper than ever into my creativity bucket. My toddler isn’t big on Pinterest projects, but if I put my back into it, we can kill a whole hour with a couple cars and a flat surface. (Ok, half an hour. Ok, 15 minutes. Ok, 10.)
- Don’t stress about the extra screen time the toddler gets when my creativity runs out. My sanity is still important.
- Hold my breath and hold on. As with any stage, I know that this one, too, shall pass.
Can any other mamas out there relate?
How do you handle the nap trap?
I personally will cry when nap time is over in this household it’s my alone time for the day. I too am a busy body Mama and love to do things with my 4 year old and 18 month old and I’m lucky enough that we still get too. Both my children still nap and usually go to sleep between 1 and 130. My 18 month old is the same way that if he doesn’t get a nap I pay for it. I suggest slowly trying to put your son’s nap back 30 minutes until it’s more midday. It took about a month till I was able to get them to nap at the same time and there were tears and fussing but now they both are happy and we get to do more outside and with friends.
You perfectly described my current situation. So glad to know I’m not alone. Let me know when you start the Go Fund Me for the sister-wives commune. I’m in!
Have you tried sleep training? My little pirate is a perfect sleeper now! Using Susan Ubran’s sleep training guide (https://www.momtricks.com/babies/transitioning-baby-to-crib/) he;ve learned how to self sooth. And that’s the answear to all of the problems! Now he can go to sleep anywhere. Grandma’s/ friends/ even party. And the car is a separate chapter of course!
HWL method is the best! It worked for me in just 4 nights and I am thrilled!
I wasa going to write the same thing! How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone is the best mom-gifts I’ve ever get! Since the training she’s sleeping through the night and even our naps got longer and much more calm. I love Susan’s book!
I’ve done the same thing! We’ve used Susan’s sleep training method right before vacation and it was the great decidion! Baby sleeping in a restaurant? No problem no!
Related soooo much to this So much! With my second needing his naps, I felt crazy staying home with my toddler who was dying to get out of the house. Some days were harder than others but now that I look back at it it was such a quick season if their lives. Nap is boss at our house, we would much rather happy kiddos than cranky outings. Now my kids are 4 and 1.5- we are back to getting to be out and about except for our one naptime after lunch everyday and it’s glorious to be able to keep busy outside the house with activities. However, I’m expecting twins in March/April so we will be right back to bein Home bound for the naps….I just have to keep reminding myself it’s just a season!
I am more of a homebody but I always try to give my kids adventures so we would be out and about often no matter what. Naps didn’t slow us down as my youngest kids would sleep anywhere. What derailed our adventures was after our third was born and she developed severe motion sickness at about 6 months old. 3 years later and we are just starting to see an improvement in it. There were times when we would set out on an adventure and we would go a whole 5 miles down the road and she would vomit all over. So back home we would go to clean up her, the van and her car seat. Most of the time we would completely miss whatever we were going to do by time we had gotten every thing cleaned up and loaded back into the van. After the 3rd or 4th time this happened, I just decided that sometimes it is really not worth the vomiting kid (or groggy and grumpy kid if I gave her something to prevent the nausea) to have adventures. We would just stay home and find things to do. Arts and crafts, living room picnics, reading books, playing games or playing in our yard became our thing.
Honestly I think this is something you are choosing for yourself. I have two and never felt this because I teach my kids to be flexible no matter what. Once the baby wouldn’t sleep in his car seat, he would either sleep in a baby carrier or the stroller. I refuse to be trapped and most of the moms I know who are “trapped” are unhappy and lonely.
So you have a baby (over 6 months old) sleeping in a carrier for, like, a 2 hour nap? What if your baby doesn’t sleep in the carrier? I am honestly asking. Thanks!
I was going to say the same thing about sleeptraining. For us it was a huge difference. Of course – the schedule it priority but you can easily change the sleep enviroment quite quick after sleeptraining. Worked for me with HWL method!
I feel crazy about my only child’s naps. I just think she isn’t my accessory and relies on me to give her what she needs. She has slowly stopped being able to fall asleep on the go. It’s not 100% but the statistics say she likely won’t nap on the go and if she does she will due to pure exhaustion staying up way past wake window tolerance and will then proceed to take a short nap. She will likely get cranky or if not have a bad nighttime sleep. I just hate knowing she cannot nap comfortably. I guess it’s my choice and unless we have no other choice then she gets to sleep where it’s most restful.
Also, I thought the same exact thing about the commune in the early newborn days. Such a brilliant idea. SAHM go to the “office” aka commune for the day with baby. It’s like daycare but not. Love it!
I was literally googling “how to go out on baby’s nap time”,”going out with nap trained baby” !! and I found ur blog.. I was like “she is in same situation!!!” . I’m living in Japan,my fiancé is american and we had to work on visa so we’ve been apart after I was pregnant w my second child. and I’ve been a solo mom. I don’t have a car coz I’m supposed to get license&car in the states which makes EVERYTHING hard .Even a little grocery shopping.. jst by thinking abt taking two kids w me walking for so long to buy grocery I jst get worried if my nap trained lil one will be sleepy and my toddler gets exhausted by walking for so long:/
I’m hoping I will find a way to get out of this situation!!!